IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that men and women have good expertise only in particular fields. This means men are better at doing certain jobs and women are better at doing some other jobs. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women #expertise #fields #jobs
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It is believed by many that
due to
 gender differences,
males
 and females can perform
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
only specific occupations and not all. I find
this
 statement reasonable and illogical, especially in the 21st century, on the grounds of the division of equal rights and upbringing which are given to both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sexes equally nowadays. To justify my viewpoint, fixing certain professions for
males
 and females seems irrational because of multiple factors. Primarily, education has revolutionized people's outdated thinking and now both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genders have comprehended their abilities and strengths.
As a result
, it is often seen that social barriers have been broken by doing something
out-of-the-box
Correct your spelling
out of the box
show examples
. Despite having fewer physical strengths as compared to
males
, their counterparts have proved their mettle in the army, known as a tough occupation, the world over. Take
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 instance of Renu Khanna and Neetu Duggal, the two great women, who have been serving the Indian army by their heart and set an example for others too.
Moreover
, not only girls but bots
also
 have shattered the stereotype ideology when they embraced entering the cooking field which is meant for girls
according to
 the social taboo.
For example
, Sanjeev Kapoor and Vikas Khanna are two brilliant chefs from India. They are known worldwide and thanks go to the women-oriented field,cooking. Should they remain reluctant to follow their inclinations to show
this
 expertise, they would have not realized the fruit of success and fulfilment.
Therefore
, I am not convinced that
such
 career specifications still have something to do with gender.
To conclude
, the modern world has broken the narrow walls of gender differences and both
males
 and females
putting
Wrong verb form
are making
show examples
 giant strides in their careers
according to
 their own desires regardless of sex,be it sports, education or art.
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task response
The essay addresses the prompt to some extent, but the response lacks depth and thorough analysis. There is a need to provide a balanced argument and explore the opposite viewpoint as well.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clarity and fail to effectively summarize the main points. The essay would benefit from stronger topic sentences and a clear thesis statement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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