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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, in spite of the scientifically proven necessity of life-long learning, the idea that innate intelligence (thinking skills) is enough to have a successful life is dominating the minds of people. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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Despite that the relevance of
life-long
Correct your spelling
lifelong
show examples
 learning is backed by scientific
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 think that congenital thinking skills are sufficient to become successful in life. There are numerous reasons and there are certain measures
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 be taken to resolve
this
Linking Words
 issue. One of the main causes of
this
Linking Words
 problem is that it is easier to justify
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
why some
people
Use synonyms
 reached a
success
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. Society is likely to not see hard work behind the achievements, but prefer to rely whole progress on fortune and innate abilities.
For example
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, Jack Ma, founder of Alibaba Group and
multi billionaire
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multi-billionaire
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, failed 30 attempts to get a job, but
people
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 still believe that he
thrive
Correct subject-verb agreement
thrives
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 due to his inherent intellect. To tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem the idea of hardworking and honesty should reign in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will help
people
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 see that constant development is the key
for
Change preposition
to
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success
Use synonyms
. Another reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 the dispute is that confidence in natural skills allows
to
Correct pronoun usage
you to
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 not work to improve yourself,
consequently
Linking Words
 it is immensely comfortable to explain laziness and idleness by no need to study something to achieve
success
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. A plethora of young men
believe
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believes
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 in sudden
lucky
Replace the word
luck
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instead
Linking Words
 of
try
Change the verb form
trying
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 to enhance
thinking
Correct pronoun usage
their thinking
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 skills and get
education
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an education
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. I suggest popularizing
history
Correct article usage
the history
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 of failure along with
history
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the history
a history
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 of
success
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. There
are
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is
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abundance
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an abundance
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 of stories of
people
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 at the top and few amounts where these
people
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 failed. I suppose it will show
truth
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the truth
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 about
power
Add an article
the power
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 of continuous growth. In conclusion, most
people
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 don’t believe
in
Correct your spelling
insignificance
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significance
Add an article
the significance
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 of
life-long
Correct your spelling
lifelong
show examples
 learning due to reasons as it is
way
Add an article
a way
the way
show examples
 of the least effort. My view is that the main responsibility for solving the question lies with parents.

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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