IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In Britain when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?

#britain #someone #home #people #nurses #government #care
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Many
people
Use synonyms
 claim that these expenditures should be budgeted by the
state
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, while other
people
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 believe that relatives of these aged
people
Use synonyms
 should bear
this
Linking Words
 burden. I am in accord with the former opinion and the factors leading to my view are described below. (44) There are many reasons why the government should financially support the well-being of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
grownups. I assume that the government should provide assistance and take care of old
people
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 because the majority of them have worked all their life and paid a plethora of taxes.
First
Linking Words
 of all, we should claim that Britain is a social
state
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 and
subsequently
Linking Words
 the pivotal part of
this
Linking Words
 kind of
state
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 is that it collects and distributes financial resources.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these
people
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 have enough given to the
state
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 and
this
Linking Words
 money
in that case
Add the comma(s)
, in that case,
show examples
 should be recovered in terms of providing help. My granddad worked all his life as a PE teacher and after his
retirement
Add a comma
,retirement
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 he had a very solid pension because he has paid a lot of taxes. So, I think that the majority of these old
people
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 in a social
state
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 have paid enough money to get a full recovery by proper housing on behalf of the
state
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. 
Linking Words
Second
Add an article
The second
show examples
 thing I would mention about
this
Linking Words
 topic is that old
people
Use synonyms
 will be better treated by
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
adroit nursing personnel, rather than their relatives and family that can be ignorant about basic caring skills let alone treatment of grownups with special problems or even impairments. It reminds us
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
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 with dementia and the
last
Linking Words
 phase of cancer who need
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
special assistance that can't be provided by the family and relatives, but the
state
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 can afford
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
(?). To sum up, it is clear that the
state
Use synonyms
 should bear
this
Linking Words
 particular burden since the government obtains sufficient money and special-trained staff in order to take care of elder
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by juliafromkazan2016 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aging population
  • Elderly care
  • Nursing homes
  • Social welfare
  • Intergenerational responsibility
  • Caregiving
  • Financial burden
  • Quality of life
  • Pension funds
  • Healthcare policy
  • Taxation
  • Subsidies
  • Private insurance
  • Long-term care
  • Sustainability
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