IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

More and more people are seriously overweight. Some people suggest the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #foods
It is undeniable that obesity is becoming a serious problem in all nations due to consuming
fast-
Correct your spelling
fast food
show examples
food
. It is argued by some that in order to overcome
this
 issue junk
food
 prices should be
rosen
Change the capitalization
Rosen
show examples
. Personally, I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
this
 statement.
However
, other effective measures could be taken by the governments. To commence with, it is clear that the growing usage of fast
food
 is attributed to the lower cost of fast
food
, in comparison with healthy
food
.
Consequently
, it would be more economical for those who could not afford exorbitant healthy
food
.
For example
,
sea foods
Correct your spelling
seafoods
show examples
 are far more nutritious and expensive, compared to pizza and
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
.
As a result
, boosting the price of fatty foods may be beneficial in the short term and effective for the low-class society.
On the other hand
, other solutions could be applied by the government.
First
 of all, public awareness plays a crucial role in lowering fatty
food
 consumption. What I mean is that if the community gained knowledge about the negative consequences of eating greasy
food
, they would presumably avoid consuming it. Apparently, the crowd will be able to be informed of
such
 information through the media, education system, and advertising.
Furthermore
, the communities could be encouraged to eat healthily if governments attempted to lessen the price of healthy foods. To sum up,
although
this
 phenomenon seems to be a practical way in the
short-term
Correct your spelling
short term
show examples
 for budget-minded people, other actions would likely be more efficient, including increasing public awareness and the availability of affordable healthy diets.
Submitted by hesam.ahmadian012 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: