IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nature has a more significant impact on human adult intelligence than nurture. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#nature #impact #adult #intelligence
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Essence is thought to have a greater influence on adult cognition than nurture. I disagree with
this
 statement and believe that the role of nurture is much greater in human intelligence.
First
, in poor
families
,
parents
 place a higher value on working physically and earning money rather than studying. In those
families
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,families
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 a lack of funds is a barrier
for
Change preposition
to
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 education. Because of
this
 educational barrier, many people in poor countries who work are stuck in informal, low-paying, and less productive jobs.
This
 explains that because of a family upbringing based mainly on physical
labor
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labour
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 that requires no qualifications, many young people lose their chance to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
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more intelligent and perspective
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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.
In contrast
,
parents
 in well-to-do households, place a greater focus on their
children
's intellectual abilities.
Therefore
, people from poor
families
 with financial challenges are statistically less educated than those born into
affluent
Add an article
an affluent
show examples
family
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families
show examples
.
Second
,
parents
' close attention to their
children
's academic goals can lead to higher intelligence
level
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levels
show examples
.
In other words
, there are
parents
 who are more focused on improving educational attainment, and in some
cases
Add a comma
,cases
show examples
 they can get their
children
 to engage in certain intellectual activities designed to improve their academic performance.
For example
, statistics show that
families
where
Add the comma(s)
, where children have been educated from an early age,
show examples
children
 have been educated from an early age have higher IQ scores than those who grew up without
such
 close parental control. So,
this
 kind of upbringing has its advantages in developing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
intelligence. To sum up, I strongly believe that being born in
wealthy
Add an article
a wealthy
show examples
 family with
parents
' supervision
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 educational purposes is crucial in forming
highly
Correct article usage
a highly
show examples
 intelligent person in future.
Submitted by Zhbiroksana on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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