IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #information #research #business #world
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After entering the cyber era, it is common to share
information
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 in every aspect interpersonally and internationally. Some hold the view that it is extremely good to share
information
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 while others cannot agree with it. From my perspective, it is apparently beneficial but some
information
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 should not be shared freely. Indeed,
information
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 sharing in scientific research, business and
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
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 world is clearly helpful to
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
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development
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the development
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 of every country. For one, it does provide considerable opportunities to boost
international
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the international
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 and local
economy
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economies
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by
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through
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 summits and forums. Summer Davos Forum is a good case
that
Correct word choice
where
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 all the participants could exchange
information
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 to get inspired, which extremely contributes to the global economic progress. For another, some medical events need huge
information
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 from every country to overcome, especially in some less developed regions
such
Linking Words
 as Africa and Asia. Unfortunately, sharing valuable
information
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 is not always beneficial to every country.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, some advanced technology is time-consuming, and it is unfair for the inventors to share the key
information
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to
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with
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 the public. As writers would never give up their copyrights without being paid, at least scientists should not offer the
information
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 freely.
Besides
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, some
information
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 especially related to military
secret
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secrets
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 or commercial
secret
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secrets
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 should be protected carefully,
Linking Words
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
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 it would become
a
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apply
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terrible trouble when governments need to fight
with
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apply
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social evils or terrorists thanks to
information
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 sharing. To some extent, it is not wise to spread the
information
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 all over the world. In fact, it is undeniable that sharing
information
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 could help to develop
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 and business and promote academic cooperation, but it is too unfair and risky to exchange the details in every professional area.
Submitted by vivian.88610 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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