IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #people #information #research #business #world
After entering the cyber era, it is common to share
information
 in every aspect interpersonally and internationally. Some hold the view that it is extremely good to share
information
 while others cannot agree with it. From my perspective, it is apparently beneficial but some
information
 should not be shared freely. Indeed,
information
 sharing in scientific research, business and
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
 world is clearly helpful to
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of every country. For one, it does provide considerable opportunities to boost
international
Add an article
the international
show examples
 and local
economy
Fix the agreement mistake
economies
show examples
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 summits and forums. Summer Davos Forum is a good case
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 all the participants could exchange
information
 to get inspired, which extremely contributes to the global economic progress. For another, some medical events need huge
information
 from every country to overcome, especially in some less developed regions
such
 as Africa and Asia. Unfortunately, sharing valuable
information
 is not always beneficial to every country.
First
 and foremost, some advanced technology is time-consuming, and it is unfair for the inventors to share the key
information
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the public. As writers would never give up their copyrights without being paid, at least scientists should not offer the
information
 freely.
Besides
, some
information
 especially related to military
secret
Fix the agreement mistake
secrets
show examples
 or commercial
secret
Fix the agreement mistake
secrets
show examples
 should be protected carefully,
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
show examples
 it would become
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
terrible trouble when governments need to fight
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
social evils or terrorists thanks to
information
 sharing. To some extent, it is not wise to spread the
information
 all over the world. In fact, it is undeniable that sharing
information
 could help to develop
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 and business and promote academic cooperation, but it is too unfair and risky to exchange the details in every professional area.
Submitted by vivian.88610 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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