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Band 4.5

the best way to measure someone's success is to look at how much money that person has

#measure #someone #success #money #person
Nowadays it is argued that
succes
Correct your spelling
success
 equals wealth.
Although
 there are some
caseswhich
Correct your spelling
cases which
 fits
this
 theory, you can find noticeable examples which are not fitted by
this
 view. so it would be better to have a look at both sides of the argument. On one hand, we have rich and really
sucessful
Correct your spelling
successful
 people.
For example
 CEO of Amazon is an outstanding case which supports
this
 idea. It is widely accepted that profession and
cocentration
Correct your spelling
concentration
brings
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bring
show examples
money
.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 good income is usually is a natural consequence of
hard
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 and studying, while you are at school ages. Looking at
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
statement
Fix the agreement mistake
statements
show examples
 of dentists is a supportive fact for
this
 point of view. Studying late at night and visiting
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 amount of patients in clinics brings the
opportuniy
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to medical students to expect offices which are check-a-block of
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 and obviously a high income at the end.
On the other hand
, there were so many
sucessful
Correct your spelling
successful
 people who never
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
 wealth in their life. Nicola Tesla, who is
father
Add an article
the father
a father
show examples
 of so many inventions in recent decades, passed away while he didn't have
adequete
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adequate
money
 for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
normal nutrition. As another
evidence
Correct quantifier usage
piece of evidence
show examples
, I can mention Mother Teresa. without any doubt, she was one of the most prominent characters in contemporary history.
However
, nobody has heard of
a
Change the word
her
show examples
 luxury
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life style
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lifestyle
show examples
 of her. To put
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 a nutshell,
although
 profession and
hard
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hardworking
show examples
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 may bring
money
, it is not
guranteed
Correct your spelling
guaranteed
guarantee
 that every effort even
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
long
Add an article
a long
the long
show examples
 period of
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 will lead to getting rich. As far as I know, and based on my personal
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
,
money
 is just one of so many factors describing success.
Submitted by mortezashirsavar92 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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