. Some people think all young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
people
pay more attention on
education. Some Change the preposition
to
people
argue that teenagers should stay in the
Correct article usage
apply
school
until they become adults. From my viewpoint, i
disagree with the suggestion.
As for the reasons why Change the capitalization
I
people
agree with the side, children are immature enough to have good standards of behaviors
. Schools have a clear set of rules to cultivate good hobbies which are good for their futures. Fix the agreement mistake
behavior
For example
, many young people
like to swear others
to express their rebellion. Schools correct their bad hobbies by punishments Change preposition
to others
such
as giving them 100 lines. The serious punishment deter
students from yelling rudely at others.
Change the verb form
deters
However
, It is a financial matter for some families
. In many cases, people
need to make money to support their families
. It is not reliable to stay in the school
. For example
, yearly
income Correct article usage
the yearly
needy
Change preposition
of needy
families
can get usually only is 36,000 yuan. However
, in China, a college student should spend 8,000 yuan on a year’s tuition. It overburdens on
their Change preposition
apply
families
. On top of that people
have a free right to decide whether they should remain in school
or not. Studying should be a bonus but not a
compulsory stuff. Remove the article
apply
For example
, it is not wise to focus people
who have no talents to keep studying because they will be destroyed Change preposition
on people
confident
by bad grades. Replace the word
confidence
Instead
of
, Change preposition
apply
people
can spend time on
developing their Change preposition
apply
talent
. They can leave schools and study skills which support their interest elsewhere.
In conclusion, whereas Fix the agreement mistake
talents
full time
education can train children’s right Add a hyphen
full-time
behaviors
, it Change the spelling
behaviours
overburden
Change the verb form
overburdens
on
needy Change preposition
apply
families
. In additional
, if it is Replace the word
addition
meaningful
for students to remain the Replace the word
meant
school
, fostering their interests is a better choice.Submitted by youhua94 on
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite