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Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Many factured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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Health
problems
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 are associated with consuming
sugar
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 and the process of manufacturing has the responsibility.
However
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,
people
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 need to consume less
sugar
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 and increasing the cost of
this
Linking Words
 product could encourage them to less consume. In my opinion, I agree
sugar
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 products have to be more expensive than healthy food. A good reason to increase the cost of
sugar
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 products is to decrease obesity in society. At the present, many obese
people
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 have cardiovascular
problems
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 and
this
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 causes other associated illnesses like depression, as a consequence, it will increase the rate of suicide being a big problem for countries.
For example
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, many researchers said that if
people
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 consume less
sugar
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, human beings could have better mental health.
Furthermore
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, another benefit is the quality of life would be better for everyone. Another point to consider is countries could have a diminished rate of diabetes.
Moreover
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, it is known diseases like diabetes contribute to
people
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 having other
problems
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 increasing the blindness of
people
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.
In addition
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, the major benefit to society is having less public spending investing money in
people
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 to encourage the practice of sports and saving money on medicaments and increasing
people
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 could eat more food without
sugar
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 like vegetables.
For example
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, if a country has less amount of
people
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 with the disease, could have more happy
people
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 reducing mental
problems
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. In conclusion, encouraging
people
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 to have a low
sugar
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 consumption could get a big benefit for society and I agree that the cost of products with a high level of
sugar
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 ought to be expensive.
Submitted by roberto.carrascopizarro on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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