IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Companies should provide sports facilities for local communities. To what extent do you agree?

#companies #sports #facilities #communities
Due to the technology is flourishing
leaps
Change preposition
in leaps
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 and bounds in
this
 fast-paced world , most people rarely slip away their precious time in a sensible manner. For that reason , some people assert that organization has the privilege to offer physical activities for citizens . In my opinion , I totally agree with
this
 view , and it can create numerous benefits not only for each
citizens
Change to a singular noun
citizen
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 but
also
 for companies themselves.
To begin
 with, there are various compelling reasons why
these physical education
Change the determiner
this physical education
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are
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is
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 beneficial to
public
Add an article
the public
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 .
Firstly
 , if people are offered to participate in free
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 events , it is a good way to boost their mental and physical well-being since they have been suffering
Change preposition
from the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 sedentary lifestyle and are stuck in front of the computer.
In addition
 , it can give them golden opportunities to expand their network as exercises are done in groups. Overall , the
more
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apply
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healthier
persons
Replace the word
people
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 the country has , the better infrastructure it belongs
.
Change preposition
to.
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 From another angle , there
are
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is
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 a wide range of
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
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 merits that can be grabbed by organizations which exert a big interest to provide
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 facilities to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society . In the
first
 place , they can take advantage of raising their brand awareness among local communities. By sponsoring so , as it can be regarded as
corporate
Add an article
a corporate
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 social responsibility that the company has concerned for the betterment of the society, the company can have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 competitive and comparative advantage over those who do not.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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