Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, international tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. Agree or disagree?

In modern society, it is true that more and more
people
prefer to be an entrepreneur than
hire
Change the form of the verb
hired
show examples
by a
business
. In
this
essay, I will provide the reasons
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
situation and list
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
why
self-employed
Correct article usage
the self-employed
show examples
might not
as
Add a missing verb
be as
show examples
wonderful as
people
think.
First
of all,
people
always think that being a
boss
themselves can earn more money than earning
salary
Add an article
a salary
show examples
in a
company
. The truth is, you will have to take risks, responsibilities and
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
the enormous
show examples
amount of
time
to ensure your
business
is on track. Another appealing reason for
people
who thrive to start a
business
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
their own is freedom. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
employees
Add an article
the employees
show examples
often argue that they need to follow the work
time
set by the
company
, at least 8 hours a day, sometimes even have to work extra
time
to have con-calls with their colleagues. If
a
Change the article
an
show examples
employee chose to be self-employed, he might save
time
for commuting to the
company
, and he can decide where he works. Most importantly, he has the freedom to decide the working
time
slot on his own, which is beneficial to either him or his family. The
first
and foremost disadvantage of being self-employed is the risk of losing stable cash flow. It is easy to earn a stable amount of money when you are working for a
company
because you get paid every month. As for
Correct your spelling
owning
show examples
owing
Correct your spelling
owning
show examples
a
business
, it is likely the sales figures fluctuate every period, so it’s difficult to predict the sales volume. If you are not keen
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
financial knowledge, which
also
means you are unable to maintain the cash flow, maybe being an employee can earn more than being a
boss
.
Second
, being self-employed might sacrifice family
time
. Needless to say,
Correct your spelling
owning
show examples
owing
Correct your spelling
owning
show examples
a
business
needs a lot of effort because you have to plan everything
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
yourself. Being an employee can just work 40 hours a week
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while being a
boss
needs to be on-call even on vacation mode. From my perspective, it is unable to divide your personal life and
business
if you decide to be a
boss
, which means it is unavoidable to sacrifice some family
time
. In conclusion, it is true that more money and freedom excite
people
to start a
business
on their own, but the risk of losing stable cash flow and
sacrifice
Wrong verb form
sacrificing
show examples
family
time
are the two drawbacks
deter
Correct pronoun usage
that deter
show examples
people
from being a
boss
.
Submitted by mandyxchueh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: