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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, international tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. Agree or disagree?

#tourism #industry #world #tension #people #cultures
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In modern society, it is true that more and more
people
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 prefer to be an entrepreneur than
hire
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hired
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 by a
business
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. In
this
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 essay, I will provide the reasons
to
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for
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this
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 situation and list
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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to
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of
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 why
self-employed
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the self-employed
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 might not
as
Add a missing verb
be as
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 wonderful as
people
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 think.
First
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 of all,
people
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 always think that being a
boss
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 themselves can earn more money than earning
salary
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a salary
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 in a
company
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. The truth is, you will have to take risks, responsibilities and
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
the enormous
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 amount of
time
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 to ensure your
business
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 is on track. Another appealing reason for
people
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 who thrive to start a
business
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by
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on
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 their own is freedom. Most
of
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apply
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employees
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the employees
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 often argue that they need to follow the work
time
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 set by the
company
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, at least 8 hours a day, sometimes even have to work extra
time
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 to have con-calls with their colleagues. If
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 employee chose to be self-employed, he might save
time
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 for commuting to the
company
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, and he can decide where he works. Most importantly, he has the freedom to decide the working
time
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 slot on his own, which is beneficial to either him or his family. The
first
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 and foremost disadvantage of being self-employed is the risk of losing stable cash flow. It is easy to earn a stable amount of money when you are working for a
company
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 because you get paid every month. As for
Correct your spelling
owning
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owing
Correct your spelling
owning
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 a
business
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, it is likely the sales figures fluctuate every period, so it’s difficult to predict the sales volume. If you are not keen
to
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on
show examples
 financial knowledge, which
also
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 means you are unable to maintain the cash flow, maybe being an employee can earn more than being a
boss
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.
Second
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, being self-employed might sacrifice family
time
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. Needless to say,
Correct your spelling
owning
show examples
owing
Correct your spelling
owning
show examples
 a
business
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 needs a lot of effort because you have to plan everything
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
 yourself. Being an employee can just work 40 hours a week
,
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apply
show examples
 while being a
boss
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 needs to be on-call even on vacation mode. From my perspective, it is unable to divide your personal life and
business
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 if you decide to be a
boss
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, which means it is unavoidable to sacrifice some family
time
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. In conclusion, it is true that more money and freedom excite
people
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 to start a
business
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 on their own, but the risk of losing stable cash flow and
sacrifice
Wrong verb form
sacrificing
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 family
time
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 are the two drawbacks
deter
Correct pronoun usage
that deter
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people
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 from being a
boss
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.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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