In some countries, there has been an increase in adverstisements that try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys and other items. Parents often argue that these announcements are unfair. Discuss both perspectives and give your opinion?

It is often argued by some people that there has been
rise
Add an article
a rise
show examples
in commercials these days which allure
children
to buy
things
while others disagree with
this
. In my opinion, I completely agree with the parents that
this
kind of publicity is inappropriate. Nowadays, media plays a very crucial role in influencing consumers to buy
things
. Undoubtedly, it is profitable for the sellers as their sales will be hiked. Among all the age groups,
children
are the most innocent and they get very easily attracted towards
things
such
as toys, chocolates , snacks etc.
For instance
,
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
recent study on
top selling
Add a hyphen
top-selling
show examples
snacks for kids in The United States Of America, Kinder Joy was found to be
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
popular.
This
is due to their
marketting
Correct your spelling
marketing
stratergies
Correct your spelling
strategies
and advertisements as they have included a toy inside the snack as an add-on to attract more minors and they do spend a huge amount
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
promotion
Correct article usage
the promotion
show examples
of their product. So, from a child's perspective commercials definitely persuade them to buy
things
.
On the other hand
, I completely agree with the parents, that these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
of promotions are unfair for the
children
as they get more motivated to purchase the products,
thus
adding more financial burden on parents. Other
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
that,
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
of distractions hamper the studies of
children
. Recent studies have found that there has been a behaviour change in many
children
as they are becoming more demanding nowadays as compared to the past years. Increased publicity of minors product leads to
Add an article
a
show examples
rise
Change the verb form
rising
show examples
in their desire to obtain that thing and the consequence is
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
in their
stubborness
Correct your spelling
stubbornness
. So, advertisements should be
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
but to some limited extent so that they do not
interfer
Correct your spelling
interfere
with the mindset of a child. In conclusion, in
this
modern era media is very influential in attracting more buyers but in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
of minors
commercial
Fix the agreement mistake
commercials
show examples
should be promoted but only to some extent and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
should
also
employ necessary rules pertaining to
this
.
Submitted by drvishal13 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: