Today the life expectancy of people is much higher than before some people think that older people should continue to be involved in workforce. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#life #expectancy #people #workforce

It has been believed by many

people

that

nowadays

Rephrase

apply

show examples

mankind can live longer than in past decades;

therefore

, few individuals opine that the elderly ought to continue their

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

. I disagree with

this

notion. My inclination is justified

further

with reasons and examples. To embark, the foremost argument to justify my stand is it may lead to an increase in the unemployment rate among youngsters.

This

means, that older

people

are not announcing their retirement

then

there are no vacancies for youth to join various companies. Cut-throat competition among

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

youngsters will be increased.

Thus

, many younger

people

are not able to secure jobs even though they are well-qualified.

Furthermore

, big industries are

also

to generate good revenue.

This

is because

Remove the comma

apply

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the older age group of

people

failed to adopt the recent technologies efficiently as compared to the youth.

Hence

, they may rely on the traditional modus operand to achieve the target. Their efficacy of work may decline

to own

Verb problem

due

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

age-related disorders.

As a result

, the company can not

be fulfilled

Wrong verb form

fulfil

show examples

their criteria;

make

Correct word choice

and make

show examples

fewer profits. For

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

instance, a private company Intex only hire employees who are above 50 years of age as they can easily contribute to their flexible timetable and

helps

Correct subject-verb agreement

help

show examples

to achieve a financial goal.

However

, I would not overlook the other side too. Some

people

claim that the financial stability of a family is declined. To elaborate on

this

it would be more important for them to remain at work as they are not affording the expanses of today's life.

For example

, in the developing nation of India, many folks are still working in factories so they can fulfil their desires. In conclusion, notwithstanding the improvement in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

financial stability is

influenced

Wrong verb form

influences

show examples

the elderly to work,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unemployment,

as well as

economical

Replace the word

economic

show examples

reduction, is the main reason for disagreement with

this

statement.

Submitted by dipendharmani786 on Tue May 10 2022

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coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be more explicit and effectively summarize the main points of the essay. The essay lacks a clear outline and logical structure, making it difficult to follow the main points and arguments.

task achievement

The response addresses the prompt to a certain extent, but the arguments lack clear development and coherence. There is room for improvement in organizing the ideas and providing more relevant and specific examples to support the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

309 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

life expectancy
workforce
mentorship
mental and physical health
community engagement
rapidly changing work environments
economic stability
age discrimination
workplace adjustments
financial strain
pension systems
diversifying
creativity
problem-solving
retirement norms
flexible working hours
part-time positions

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Today the life expectancy of people is much higher than before some people think that older people should continue to be involved in workforce. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

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In many countries, plastic containers have been more common than ever and are used by many food and drink companies. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?