IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Today the life expectancy of people is much higher than before some people think that older people should continue to be involved in workforce. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#life #expectancy #people #workforce
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It has been believed by many
people
 that
nowadays
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mankind can live longer than in past decades;
therefore
, few individuals opine that the elderly ought to continue their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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. I disagree with
this
 notion. My inclination is justified
further
 with reasons and examples. To embark, the foremost argument to justify my stand is it may lead to an increase in the unemployment rate among youngsters.
This
 means, that older
people
 are not announcing their retirement
then
 there are no vacancies for youth to join various companies. Cut-throat competition among
the
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youngsters will be increased.
Thus
, many younger
people
 are not able to secure jobs even though they are well-qualified.
Furthermore
, big industries are
also
 to generate good revenue.
This
 is because
,
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 the older age group of
people
 failed to adopt the recent technologies efficiently as compared to the youth.
Hence
, they may rely on the traditional modus operand to achieve the target. Their efficacy of work may decline
to own
Verb problem
due
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 to
the
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age-related disorders.
As a result
, the company can not
be fulfilled
Wrong verb form
fulfil
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their criteria;
make
Correct word choice
and make
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 fewer profits. For
an
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instance, a private company Intex only hire employees who are above 50 years of age as they can easily contribute to their flexible timetable and
helps
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help
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 to achieve a financial goal.
However
, I would not overlook the other side too. Some
people
 claim that the financial stability of a family is declined. To elaborate on
this
 it would be more important for them to remain at work as they are not affording the expanses of today's life.
For example
, in the developing nation of India, many folks are still working in factories so they can fulfil their desires. In conclusion, notwithstanding the improvement in
the
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financial stability is
influenced
Wrong verb form
influences
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 the elderly to work,
the
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unemployment,
as well as
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 reduction, is the main reason for disagreement with
this
 statement.
Submitted by dipendharmani786 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be more explicit and effectively summarize the main points of the essay. The essay lacks a clear outline and logical structure, making it difficult to follow the main points and arguments.
task achievement
The response addresses the prompt to a certain extent, but the arguments lack clear development and coherence. There is room for improvement in organizing the ideas and providing more relevant and specific examples to support the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • workforce
  • mentorship
  • mental and physical health
  • community engagement
  • rapidly changing work environments
  • economic stability
  • age discrimination
  • workplace adjustments
  • financial strain
  • pension systems
  • diversifying
  • creativity
  • problem-solving
  • retirement norms
  • flexible working hours
  • part-time positions
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