IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some parents are worried about the increasing level of violence on TV,video games, and other types of entertainment for children's leisure. How does this affect the children. How do you think the problem can be tackled

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Some parents are worried about the increasing level of violence on TV,video games and other types of
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
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 for
children
Use synonyms
's leisure.As of the impacts of social media platforms and increased
usage
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 of computers and mobile phones-
children
Use synonyms
 are attracted to the magnetic world of
technlogy
Correct your spelling
technology
.
Its
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It's
It is
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 bitter but a fact that changing
wold
Correct your spelling
world
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 should be followed up back so that only can sustain ambient life.
Children
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 are very much attracted
towards
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these videos or gamings because of the
parents
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parent's
parents'
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overusage
Correct your spelling
over usage
overuse
 of
Linking Words
this kinds
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of technologies only.On seeing
parents
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parents'
parent's
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 regular
usage
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 of computers and cell phones
children
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 at their small ages
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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 get attracted to it to get fond of attraction.
They at
Correct pronoun usage
At
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 their small age itself keen to get attracted to the technology.Once videos or gaming get
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
then
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 can't
getting
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get
be getting
show examples
 rid of its
usage
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.It might cause vision problems,physical inactiveness and mental stability
to
Change preposition
in
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 the
children
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.The wide
usage
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 of gaming or watching violence on TV or video games damages
children
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's
politness
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politeness
,calmness and cuteness which affect the health and
sttitude
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attitude
 of
future
Add an article
the future
a future
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generation
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generations
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.
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
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difficuilt
Correct your spelling
difficult
 to tackle the problems related to it as
its
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it's
it is
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 a
fast moving
Add a hyphen
fast-moving
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 world with modern
technoligies
Correct your spelling
technologies
 and we cannot follow the vibes.But
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 try to avoid
hard core
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hardcore
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 unwanted timely
usage
Use synonyms
 of Tv or computers or Phones
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of
children
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.Try to understand little ones it's advantages and
dis advantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
show examples
 in their smaller time itself.Maximise the support with
children
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 in their
play time
Correct your spelling
playtime
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 and food space by involving
enjoyments
Fix the agreement mistake
enjoyment
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 with the
children
Use synonyms
.Once it became a routine it can be sustained a little bit.Over
usage
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 of anything can lead to
halmness
Correct your spelling
calmness
haleness
 that should be taught to
children
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 small ages can help their life to differentiate good and bad.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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