IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think computers and internet are important in children's study, but others think students can learn effectively in schools and with teachers. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #computers #internet #children #study #students #schools #teachers
Some feel that it is important for
children
 to study by utilizing computers and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
. but,
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 suppose that it is much better for
children
 to go to school and learn with teachers. The essay will discuss both sides of view and I will elaborate my perspective following the paragraphs before leading to a logical conclusion. On the one hand, many students can get more information through the
internet
 because there are a variety of sources about
children
's studying.
In addition
, the
internet
 and computers are good methods for
children
 who can't attend school classes for some reasons.
For example
, nowadays, many students who have mental or physical health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 employ home-schooling through the
internet
.
Therefore
, they can make an environment like school at home and gain information which is needed for their study, even if they don't go directly to
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
.
On the other hand
, students can attain some parts
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they can't get when they are at home
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 interaction. In schools, they have a myriad of opportunities to contact their
Correct your spelling
classmates
show examples
class mates
Correct your spelling
classmates
show examples
 or teachers. They learn not only academic subjects but
also
 communication skills and
corelationship
Correct your spelling
relationship
 by getting along with their friends. These skills are helpful for them to deal with problems and live together in
community
Correct article usage
a community
show examples
 in the future. In conclusion,
although
Correct article usage
the internets
show examples
internets
Fix the agreement mistake
Internet
show examples
 and computers can provide many materials and even be good means for sick
children
, it is much more important to learn their sociable skills to be involved in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
.
Submitted by mia01282 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: