Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Parenting is a huge challenge for any married couple ,especially how to shape them for the future or if their children's behaviour is worrisome how to tackle
this
Linking Words
issue and so on? It is believed that adolescents should be
boosted
Verb problem
encouraged
show examples
by their elders to participate in well-managed exercises in their spare time, whilst it is considered by some masses that it is crucial for teens to allow them to know how to engage themselves on their own. In
this
Linking Words
essay, I will explain both views
along with
Linking Words
reasons, and examples and in the end will make my personal views.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Parents should motivate their little ones to be more methodized because it will
shun
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
them
to be
Change preposition
from being
show examples
involved in low-grade society activities. Children's minds are not fully grown up so dictating gives them a sense of judgment that makes them good society builders. To cite an example, Teens who have well-managed childhood are more successful lives,
according to
Linking Words
The World Parenting
Magzine
Correct your spelling
Magazine
show examples
. Another reason is
such
Linking Words
teens are good time
exexecutionersin
Correct your spelling
exexecutioners in
their job lives which makes them the best achievers because they can finish their targets within the assigned time frame.
Conversely
Linking Words
, Some individuals
are thought
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
that permitting teenagers to keep busy on their own will make them the perfect
decision-maker
Fix the agreement mistake
decision-makers
show examples
in the future.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, It elevates their searching domain for everything as they have to go forward on their own without external interference. To illustrate, many of my friends
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
have successful businesses have
no
Add a missing verb
had no
show examples
parenting pressure during their childhood tenure.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, they are easygoing in every circumstance, since they have the guts to stand out in each difficulty. To summarise, both sides of the argument have their own perks and flaws, On balance,
However
Linking Words
, It seems that fathers should
pressurize
Verb problem
pressure
show examples
their small ones because It allows them to be good listeners as these qualities later in life are more important, especially in a workplace or during married life.
Submitted by engrizazsaeed on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improvement
Task Response: The essay needs to address all parts of the question and express a clear position. The response should be more well-rounded and balanced, considering both views equally.
improvement
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay lacks a clear organizational structure. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the development of ideas is not clearly structured. Additionally, there is a lack of cohesive devices and linkers to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: