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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perceived as entertainment. Is it a positive or negative development?

#countries #goods #entertainment #development
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These days, Shopping is a common habit between young people and old people
also
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.
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Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
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 it is part of life and conventional routine. Nowadays, advanced
countries
Use synonyms
' populations are buying products that are not based on the requirement,
Likewise
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,
entertainment
Change preposition
as entertainment
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. As far as my opinion is concerned, it is a negative thought.
Consequently
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, it will create numerous issues.
This
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 essay would
further
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 expand my thoughts on the same in the ensuing paragraphs.
Firstly
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, consumerism is a normal tradition of human beings. But, if it is necessary at that point there is no negative impact.
Although
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,
western
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in western
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countries
Use synonyms
, procurement is not as per the demands it is part of
lifestyle
Add an article
the lifestyle
a lifestyle
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.
Such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 metropolitan shopping attitude.
Common
Add an article
A common
The common
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 individual who works the whole month after obtaining goods extravagantly will lead to a financial crisis. Sometimes, lack of money leads to crimes and derivation of mental fitness.
Secondly
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, developed
countries
Use synonyms
' marketing strategies are different. Manufacturers are trying to attract customers
in
Change preposition
through
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 various channels.
For example
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, through social media.
Accordingly
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, consumers will attract
the
Change preposition
to the
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 products. Simultaneously, demands will Increase. After all, the price will climb gradually. On
this
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 occasion, needless purchases will develop the price fluctuation in the market. Society must be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
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 the pros and cons of the unneeded buying of nature.
As a result
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, of
price
Correct article usage
the price
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hike
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,hike
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 poor population will suffer badly so everyone ought to understand
side
Correct article usage
the side
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 effects In conclusion, in the
first
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 world
countries
Use synonyms
 shopping now is the way for entertainment not only for buying gadgets. I believe that the negative effect and community should buy just what they need.
Submitted by ramutty2006 on

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