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Band 6.5

Today, the life expectancy of people is much higher than before. Older people should continue to be involved in the workforce. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#life #expectancy #people #workforce
In
this
 21st century,
needs
Correct article usage
the needs
show examples
 and recommendations of
people
 are enhancing day to day lives. Wherever bon ever nations implicate the youngsters are the most precious and productive workforce among other
age
 groups. Even though some of them argue grow
people
's labour strength
also
 want to develop economical standards, others believe older
people
 should not engage in
Correct article usage
the workplaces
show examples
workplaces
Fix the agreement mistake
workplace
show examples
.
This
 essay will focus on the negative and positive effects of these views and I will elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
 ideas
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 essay too.
To begin
 with, most of the community
mankinds
Correct your spelling
mankind
 have given their respect to elder
people
. Wherever grown-person has
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to join job sectors in nowadays.
Moreover
, they have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to become good instructors in our society, while businessmen and other higher ranked
people
 in society have
great
Add an article
a great
the great
show examples
 advantage to get precious instructions and tips to progress their lives or traders.
For example
, an Indian survey shows that 60% of above fifty
age
 group members have done agricultural farms with organic methods.
Consequently
, it paves the way to get more healthy and knowledgeable elements to grow our future generations.
On the other hand
,
whenever
Change preposition
in whenever
show examples
 older
age
 group
people
 have faced various physical and mental diseases in their lifetime.
For instance
, in Srilanka, the government workers who were
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
above 50
age
 , should want to resign
their
Change preposition
from their
show examples
 jobs. While
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 old person who does work in
industrial
Add an article
an industrial
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 company,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
faces
Change the verb form
face
show examples
 many health sequences
by
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of
show examples
such
 complex tasks. In conclusion, in my perspective is that we should want to obtain older
people
 for job sectors. As long as they become more active and courageous when they do some activities. Whilst can acquire valuable and essential data which help to grow our mental fitness.
Thus
, I believe grown-up human beings will become major significant sorts in our country.
Submitted by skrodrigo030 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • workforce
  • mentorship
  • mental and physical health
  • community engagement
  • rapidly changing work environments
  • economic stability
  • age discrimination
  • workplace adjustments
  • financial strain
  • pension systems
  • diversifying
  • creativity
  • problem-solving
  • retirement norms
  • flexible working hours
  • part-time positions
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