Small businesses should avoid recruiting young women who do not have their own family in order to avoid paying maternity leave later on. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#businesses #women #maternity

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays many young females meet difficulties when they want to be hired. Some employers consider that

such

a candidate will not bring profit to a company. The risk of paying

maternity

leave can scare them,

that is

why

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

a lot of women’s job applications are rejected. In my point of view,

such

decisions are extremely incorrect.

Firstly

, not all women are going to become mothers. Some of them seek

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

career advancement and building a family is not their priority.

In addition

, in many countries like Russia,

for instance

, men can

also

have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

maternity

leave.

Secondly

, a great number of females are magnificent specialists in their field of activity.

For example

, These enthusiastic ladies with wonderful knowledge and a high level of education deserve to be hired.

Furthermore

, if a company has

such

a policy

towards

Change preposition

toward

show examples

women, it is not the best place to work, as it means that an enterprise is interested not in qualified specialists but only looks for insignificant

benefit

Fix the agreement mistake

benefits

show examples

. Due to it, employers lose good experts when they select a candidate by gender.

Moreover

this

policy means that the company cannot pay decent wages to employees

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

if it is even unable to pay

maternity

leave

Change preposition

apply

show examples

This

sexist attitude towards an employee is unacceptable. To sum up, young women’s rights are often violated. A vast majority of females meet sexist

attitude

Fix the agreement mistake

attitudes

show examples

while trying to get a job. Unfortunately, they have lower chances to be hired than males. In my opinion, rejecting

person’s

Correct article usage

a person’s

show examples

application because of

maternity

leave is an awful

enterprises’

Change noun form

enterprises

show examples

policy.

Submitted by sidramassri47 on Sat May 14 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

257 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some peoplesay that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In the period of globalization, most communities live together thanks to melody and they prefer to learn about different cultures thus crowds of different ages live in the same geographical places.In my opinion, I completely agree with this idea and this opinion I will explain it immediately.
6.5
band
Some people says that it is a waste of public money to spend on cultural events, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
During globalization, people start to argue the importance of allocating more money to cultural events rather than other important things to spend. I believe that cultivating the culture in this time is crucial and people should not leave the ancient culture behind, so spending money on cultural events is considered important.
5.5
band
Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t.
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t.
6.5
band
In some countries, owning a home rather than renting ones is very important for people? Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a postivie or negative situation?
Owning a house has become a primary necessity for some individuals rather than renting one in many nations. This essay will outline why this issue happened and explain the reasons why it becomes a positive for humankind.
6.5
band
A number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans are superior and entitled to employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including food and research. Discuss both these options and form your own opinion.
Some people think that animals should have the same rights as a community and they mustn’t be exploited by the public, also the amount of society increases every day. Other people are convinced that animals must used by people for various needs like food or research. I believe that it doesn’t have too much value in testing different products on animals. This essay will discuss both points of view.

Small businesses should avoid recruiting young women who do not have their own family in order to avoid paying maternity leave later on. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some peoplesay that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people says that it is a waste of public money to spend on cultural events, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t.

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting ones is very important for people? Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a postivie or negative situation?