IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behavior
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
violence
Use synonyms
 on technology is increasing and some
people
Use synonyms
 consider that
violence
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
 and in
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 has damaged the
society
Use synonyms
, others mention the positives of it as well as
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 beneficial importance for the public behaviour. In my opinion, I completely agree that attacks played a vital role in destroying
society
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the help of
television
Use synonyms
 as well as
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
. On one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
violence
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
 and in
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 modifies the mind of
people
Use synonyms
 to the negativity and I agree with
this
Linking Words
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 learn the
negativity
Replace the word
negative
show examples
 act from the
television
Use synonyms
 and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 act applied to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 and created serious problems in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 others in
society
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, currently,
such
Linking Words
 violent video
games
Use synonyms
 are being played by millions of
people
Use synonyms
 all around the world and the majority of them have not inflicted any kind of harm
onto
Change preposition
on
show examples
 others.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is arguable that they do not affect the entire
society
Use synonyms
 in a negative manner, just a few ones. But the harm done by these few individuals is extreme.
However
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 are exposed to
such
Linking Words
 violent actions, they might learn from them,
as a result
Linking Words
, gain awareness and take their own protective measures and be careful In conclusion,
violence
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
 and in
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 has damaged our
society
Use synonyms
 by producing negative acts while influencing the importance of
society
Use synonyms
. While the
people
Use synonyms
's opinions vary,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I personally agree that
violence
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
 and in
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 has damaged the
society
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 some bad acts
Submitted by hoangthanhnam.dav on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • proliferation
  • desensitize
  • empathetic response
  • aggressive behavior
  • formative years
  • impressionable
  • catharsis
  • media psychology
  • mixed results
  • family environment
  • genetics
  • regulatory bodies
  • rating systems
  • vulnerable demographics
  • inappropriate content
What to do next:
Look at other essays: