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Band 5

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behavior
Nowadays,
violence
 on technology is increasing and some
people
 consider that
violence
 on
television
 and in
computer
games
 has damaged the
society
, others mention the positives of it as well as
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 beneficial importance for the public behaviour. In my opinion, I completely agree that attacks played a vital role in destroying
society
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the help of
television
 as well as
computer
games
. On one hand,
people
 believe that
violence
 on
television
 and in
computer
games
 modifies the mind of
people
 to the negativity and I agree with
this
.
In other words
,
people
 learn the
negativity
Replace the word
negative
show examples
 act from the
television
 and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
computer
games
.
As a result
,
this
 act applied to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 and created serious problems in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 others in
society
.
On the other hand
, currently,
such
 violent video
games
 are being played by millions of
people
 all around the world and the majority of them have not inflicted any kind of harm
onto
Change preposition
on
show examples
 others.
Hence
, it is arguable that they do not affect the entire
society
 in a negative manner, just a few ones. But the harm done by these few individuals is extreme.
However
, if
people
 are exposed to
such
 violent actions, they might learn from them,
as a result
, gain awareness and take their own protective measures and be careful In conclusion,
violence
 on
television
 and in
computer
games
 has damaged our
society
 by producing negative acts while influencing the importance of
society
. While the
people
's opinions vary,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I personally agree that
violence
 on
television
 and in
computer
games
 has damaged the
society
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 some bad acts
Submitted by hoangthanhnam.dav on

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proliferation
  • desensitize
  • empathetic response
  • aggressive behavior
  • formative years
  • impressionable
  • catharsis
  • media psychology
  • mixed results
  • family environment
  • genetics
  • regulatory bodies
  • rating systems
  • vulnerable demographics
  • inappropriate content
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