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Band 3

In many countries, old or traditional languages are dying out or being forgotten, especially by younger people. Is this an acceptable development which occurs inevitably, or is it something which we should try to prevent?

#countries #languages #people #development
Few topics are more important than old or traditional
languages
, and the issue of
prevent
Change the verb form
preventing
show examples
languages
 will probably always be controversial. It seems to me nowadays in
this
 period everything is going to change
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 younger
people
.
This
 essay will discuss. The main idea would appear to be the number of youths that they lead to forget old
languages
. Teens claim that in
this
 period old
languages
not
Add a missing verb
were not
show examples
 necessary and they prefer to talk in applied
languages
 like English or Latin.
For example
, foreign countries like international students should learn to speak
languages
 known to most
people
.
Furthermore
, because of
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of technology and
expand
Verb problem
apply
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the social media they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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both
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
 popular
languages
 for connecting
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
. By
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 we mean that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 using
efficiency
Replace the word
efficient
show examples
languages
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more convenient for communication.
Moreover
,
adolescence
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
 believe that
mother
Correct pronoun usage
their mother
show examples
 tongue is not suitable for many societies and they are rust and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can not be fluent in it. Admittedly, proponents of
prevent
Verb problem
apply
show examples
traditional
languages
 maintain that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the mother tongue is the language that they grew up with and is the ability that they should take care of
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and it is one of the heritage of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.
However
,
this
 idea can not
Add a missing verb
be convenience
show examples
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
 enough to protect traditional
languages
.
To conclude
, there are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of reasons
that
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 convincing to think like younger ages and use popular
languages
.
While
 the idea of young
people
 is not enough for
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not use
mother
Correct pronoun usage
their mother
show examples
 tongue and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not protect
Correct pronoun usage
themselves of
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 that.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and directly address the question. This essay lacks a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly state the position on the topic.
logical structure
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs with distinct main ideas. This essay suffers from poor logical structure, which hampers the reader's understanding of the argument.
supported main points
Develop each main point with clear examples and explanations. In this essay, there are limited examples and the support for the main points is weak.
complete response
Ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task prompt. While the essay presents some discussion on the topic, it does not fully engage with all aspects of the question or present a clear argument throughout.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and expand on your ideas to avoid general statements. Aim for a comprehensive approach that thoroughly explores the topic rather than surface-level commentary.
relevant specific examples
Use specific, relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. This essay includes vague examples that do not effectively support the points being discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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