IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Holidays honor people or events. If you could create a new holiday, what person or event would it honor and how would you want people to celebrate it? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

#holidays #honor #people #events #holiday #person #event #support
In today's time,
pollution
 is a global challenging issue.
However
, world
pollution
 prevention has been celebrated already, but if I could create a new
holiday
, it would be "Green
day
Capitalize word
Day
show examples
", which will be celebrated every Sunday of the month. In
this
 essay, I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 discuss the reasons and outline the benefits of
this
holiday
.
However
, the 2nd December of every year
has been
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 celebrated as
world prevention
Correct your spelling
World Prevention
show examples
 of
pollution
Correct your spelling
Pollution Day
show examples
day
, but if
this
memorial
Correct your spelling
Memorial Day
show examples
day
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 celebrated every Sunday, everyone
gets
Verb problem
would
show examples
benefits
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
. The first benefit is that everyone will grow the trees,
hence
 the number of trees will be increased.
Consequently
, the purity of the air will be
more fresh
Replace the words
fresher
show examples
 as compared to previous years. The second benefit is that
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these days
show examples
day
, all human beings will be suggested not to use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private vehicles, only suggest to use public transport, since private vehicles
such
 as cars, and bikes have a greater impact on the
environment
. If everyone
followed
Wrong verb form
follows
show examples
this
 rule of
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
holiday
 sincerely, the traffic congestion problem will be reduced. So, in the future, the
pollution
 will be steadily decreased. The
last
, equally important benefit is that the health conditions of mankind will be improved. owing to the polluted air the vast majority of people are challenging respiratory problems like asthma. So, celebrating
this
day
 we will become responsible for our
environment
, and we will take all preventative steps to protect our
environment
. So, in the future, the air purity will be increased, and for people who suffer from respiratory issues, that problem will
be declined
Wrong verb form
decline
show examples
. By way of conclusion, once again I reaffirm the statement that my
holiday
 would make people healthier, and more responsible as to protect the
environment
.
Submitted by pateldinesh28041998 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the new holiday and its benefits, providing clear and detailed examples for each point.
coherence cohesion
Good use of transitional phrases and clear progression of ideas. Work on connecting sentences within paragraphs to provide a smoother flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: