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Band 4.5

Some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers who make a greater contribution to society should be paid more than sports athletes and entertainment stars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #workers #doctors #nurses #teachers #contribution #society #sports #athletes #entertainment #stars
Some
people
 believe that professional workers
such
 as doctors and
nurses
 have paid more than
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 athletes
ans
Correct your spelling
and
 tv stars. I believe that there should be reasonable
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
 among the professions depending
how
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on how
show examples
 hard their job is. In
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
an other
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another
show examples
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
, if the employee works long
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hours
show examples
ours
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hours
show examples
 with
a
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apply
show examples
great
compremise
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compromise
 , they can be the one who
earn
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earns
show examples
 more. There are lots of different
occoputons
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occupations
croutons
. Everyone deserves to live good and
also
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to right to feed their families. The professions
such
 as doctors and
nurses
 have a great contribution to
society
.
However
, there are some
people
 who do not have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to go
further
 in their
education
. There is a long
education
 path for some
of
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apply
show examples
professions
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the professions
show examples
such
 as attorneys or
physicist
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physicists
show examples
 and
these
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this education
show examples
education
 may cost too much.
Beside
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Besides
show examples
 that,
education
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the education
show examples
 system can not be fair enough for some of us. Having a skilled teacher or additional courses
are
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is
show examples
 part of
these
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this education
show examples
education
 to become a doctor or
nurses
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nurse
show examples
. If we believe that they deserve more, we would
Replace the word
lose
show examples
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
show examples
 the balance between poor and rich. We all keep
this
 in our mind that we are all part of
this
society
 and as long as we know that we are all for one, we wouldn't
Replace the word
lose
show examples
loose
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lose
show examples
 the social balance between
people
 who had been supported
on
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in
show examples
 their
education
 and who hadn't had. Every
indivitual
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individual
 deserves the best and none of us would not be happy if we
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surrounded
surronded
Add a missing verb
were surronded
show examples
 by sad
people
 who hadn't had enough money to live
happly
Correct your spelling
happily
happy
. There are some
people
 who believe the opposite.
Eventtualy
Correct your spelling
Eventually
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 here would be differences between salaries. if we consider that being entertained or watching a good match are
also
 very important. These
occoputions
Correct your spelling
occupations
also
 make
great
Change the article
a great
show examples
 deal of
conturibution
Correct your spelling
contribution
contributions
 to
society
's mental
healt
Correct your spelling
health
. Feeling united or cheering
altogather
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altogether
together
 would be enjoyable and
unforgetable
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unforgettable
 moments in our life which boost our sanity. In
conculusion
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conclusion
confusion
, who has great
contrubiton
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contribution
contributor
 to
society
 as a profession would be anyone
such
 as
enternatiners
Correct your spelling
entertainers
 or
nurses
. Whatever we do for a living, we all deserve to be well paid equally.
Submitted by onayozge00 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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