Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high-level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #opportunities #generation #companies #employees

It is generally believed by certain individuals that young

generations

should be provided opportunities with retiring of high-class over 55 years old employees. Regarding

this

, I strongly disagree with

this

assertion.

To begin

with, the retirement of

seniors

in their fifties causes

excessive

Add an article

an excessive

show examples

burden on young adults. Since

seniors

are supported with pensions, and jobless benefits after their retirements, young

generations

have to pay a lot of taxes.

For example

, recent media in Korea reports that one young adult

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

to support almost 1.5

seniors

. As the example clearly illustrates,

seniors

have to be encouraged to

work

to diminish

youngster’s

Fix the agreement mistake

youngsters’

show examples

taxes.

Moreover

, elderly people should

work

for their health. If they retire earlier, some are neglected without social interactions in contemporary society, thereby leading to mental illnesses

such

as depression. In

this

regards

Fix the agreement mistake

regard

show examples

, a survey conducted by the Korea senior Foundation has revealed that approximately 30% of

seniors

who

work

until

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the age of 65 are healthier than others who retire before 55 years old.

Hence

, retirement at 55 is not a good idea for old people.

Finally

seniors

should

work

until

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a late stage as new

generations

can learn a lot of knowledge and practical skills from old workers. Since old

generations

have lived longer than youngsters, they have experienced a lot of situations.

Therefore

, in some cases, old staffs are wiser than

Add an article

a youngster

the youngster

show examples

youngster

Fix the agreement mistake

youngsters

show examples

. Not only can working together improve new

generations

’ soft skills, but it may

also

contribute to decreasing the generation gap. In conclusion, old

generations

should be supported to

work

in order to maintain their health and reduce

burden

Add an article

the burden

show examples

on new

generations

. What is more, it can be beneficial for new

generations

as they can learn from

seniors

Submitted by hiasince38 on Sun May 15 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

284 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Children find it difficult to concentrate on or pay attention to school. What are the reasons? How can we solve this problem?
These days, it is a common concern that many students find it hard to focus and pay attention to their studies at school. I believe that this situation is due to a combination of reasons and solutions will be provided in this essay.
<4
band
Nowadays shopping has become a new favourite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to encourage young people to develop other hobbies?
I believe that completing of bachelor's course in Australia would be a wonderful opportunity for me to enhance my personal development skills and gain knowledge,
7.5
band
It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives
Numerous thoughts have been expressed towards taking risks, about whether or not we should be involved in that type of action, especially in both our work life and our individually casual life. This pungent statement is semi-agreed by me. However, I fully agree in my opinion, to the question, as I believe the success and also the pros and cons rely on the situation itself.
7.5
band
In recent years, there has been a rise in the use of performance-enhancing drugs in sports. What are the consequences of doping for athletes? What measures should be taken to combat this issue?
Nowadays, the tendency to consume power-boosting chemicals among athletes is rising. This issue is concerning because of its damage towards the athlete's future and therefore needs a serious solution by the host like conducting drug screening for all participants prior the games.
6
band
In many counteries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this a positive or negative development?
The rate of people migrating from rural to urban areas has increased in multiple countries around the globe, which has led to a decline in their countryside population. I think this is a negative development as the decrease in rural population would negatively impact their facilities and agricultural work.

Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high-level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Children find it difficult to concentrate on or pay attention to school. What are the reasons? How can we solve this problem?

Nowadays shopping has become a new favourite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to encourage young people to develop other hobbies?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives

In recent years, there has been a rise in the use of performance-enhancing drugs in sports. What are the consequences of doping for athletes? What measures should be taken to combat this issue?

In many counteries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this a positive or negative development?