Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high-level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #opportunities #generation #companies #employees

It is generally believed by certain individuals that young

generations

should be provided opportunities with retiring of high-class over 55 years old employees. Regarding

this

, I strongly disagree with

this

assertion.

To begin

with, the retirement of

seniors

in their fifties causes

excessive

Add an article

an excessive

show examples

burden on young adults. Since

seniors

are supported with pensions, and jobless benefits after their retirements, young

generations

have to pay a lot of taxes.

For example

, recent media in Korea reports that one young adult

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

to support almost 1.5

seniors

. As the example clearly illustrates,

seniors

have to be encouraged to

work

to diminish

youngster’s

Fix the agreement mistake

youngsters’

show examples

taxes.

Moreover

, elderly people should

work

for their health. If they retire earlier, some are neglected without social interactions in contemporary society, thereby leading to mental illnesses

such

as depression. In

this

regards

Fix the agreement mistake

regard

show examples

, a survey conducted by the Korea senior Foundation has revealed that approximately 30% of

seniors

who

work

until

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the age of 65 are healthier than others who retire before 55 years old.

Hence

, retirement at 55 is not a good idea for old people.

Finally

seniors

should

work

until

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a late stage as new

generations

can learn a lot of knowledge and practical skills from old workers. Since old

generations

have lived longer than youngsters, they have experienced a lot of situations.

Therefore

, in some cases, old staffs are wiser than

Add an article

a youngster

the youngster

show examples

youngster

Fix the agreement mistake

youngsters

show examples

. Not only can working together improve new

generations

’ soft skills, but it may

also

contribute to decreasing the generation gap. In conclusion, old

generations

should be supported to

work

in order to maintain their health and reduce

burden

Add an article

the burden

show examples

on new

generations

. What is more, it can be beneficial for new

generations

as they can learn from

seniors

Submitted by hiasince38 on Sun May 15 2022

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

284 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high-level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Task 2: In many part of the world, people do research on their family history. Some people believe that finding our about previous generations is a usefull thing to do However, others believe that it is better to focus on present and future generation. Discuss both view and give your opinion?

Some students tend to play computer games rather than do sports. Why is this? What can be done to tackle the problem?

Young people prefer listening to music rather than listening to the news on the radio. Is this a positive or a negative trend? Provide reasons and examples for your opinion.

In most of the societies, the role of mother and father differs what are the courses of this difference ? What will be the parental roles in future?

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?