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Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high-level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #opportunities #generation #companies #employees
It is generally believed by certain individuals that young
generations
 should be provided opportunities with retiring of high-class over 55 years old employees. Regarding
this
, I strongly disagree with
this
 assertion.
To begin
 with, the retirement of
seniors
 in their fifties causes
excessive
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an excessive
show examples
 burden on young adults. Since
seniors
 are supported with pensions, and jobless benefits after their retirements, young
generations
 have to pay a lot of taxes.
For example
, recent media in Korea reports that one young adult
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to support almost 1.5
seniors
. As the example clearly illustrates,
seniors
 have to be encouraged to
work
 to diminish
youngster’s
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters’
show examples
 taxes.
Moreover
, elderly people should
work
 for their health. If they retire earlier, some are neglected without social interactions in contemporary society, thereby leading to mental illnesses
such
 as depression. In
this
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
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, a survey conducted by the Korea senior Foundation has revealed that approximately 30% of
seniors
 who
work
 until
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the age of 65 are healthier than others who retire before 55 years old.
Hence
, retirement at 55 is not a good idea for old people.
Finally
,
seniors
 should
work
 until
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a late stage as new
generations
 can learn a lot of knowledge and practical skills from old workers. Since old
generations
 have lived longer than youngsters, they have experienced a lot of situations.
Therefore
, in some cases, old staffs are wiser than
Add an article
a youngster
the youngster
show examples
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
. Not only can working together improve new
generations
’ soft skills, but it may
also
 contribute to decreasing the generation gap. In conclusion, old
generations
 should be supported to
work
 in order to maintain their health and reduce
burden
Add an article
the burden
show examples
 on new
generations
. What is more, it can be beneficial for new
generations
 as they can learn from
seniors
.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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