Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high-level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #opportunities #generation #companies #employees

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It is generally believed by certain individuals that young

generations

should be provided opportunities with retiring of high-class over 55 years old employees. Regarding

this

, I strongly disagree with

this

assertion.

To begin

with, the retirement of

seniors

in their fifties causes

excessive

Add an article

an excessive

show examples

burden on young adults. Since

seniors

are supported with pensions, and jobless benefits after their retirements, young

generations

have to pay a lot of taxes.

For example

, recent media in Korea reports that one young adult

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

to support almost 1.5

seniors

. As the example clearly illustrates,

seniors

have to be encouraged to

work

to diminish

youngster’s

Fix the agreement mistake

youngsters’

show examples

taxes.

Moreover

, elderly people should

work

for their health. If they retire earlier, some are neglected without social interactions in contemporary society, thereby leading to mental illnesses

such

as depression. In

this

regards

Fix the agreement mistake

regard

show examples

, a survey conducted by the Korea senior Foundation has revealed that approximately 30% of

seniors

who

work

until

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the age of 65 are healthier than others who retire before 55 years old.

Hence

, retirement at 55 is not a good idea for old people.

Finally

seniors

should

work

until

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a late stage as new

generations

can learn a lot of knowledge and practical skills from old workers. Since old

generations

have lived longer than youngsters, they have experienced a lot of situations.

Therefore

, in some cases, old staffs are wiser than

Add an article

a youngster

the youngster

show examples

youngster

Fix the agreement mistake

youngsters

show examples

. Not only can working together improve new

generations

’ soft skills, but it may

also

contribute to decreasing the generation gap. In conclusion, old

generations

should be supported to

work

in order to maintain their health and reduce

burden

Add an article

the burden

show examples

on new

generations

. What is more, it can be beneficial for new

generations

as they can learn from

seniors

Submitted by hiasince38 on Sun May 15 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

284 words

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Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high-level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Topic: In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?

Children all over the world should learn to speak a single, universal language fluently in addition to their native language. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

many university students choose the Internet as their main source of educational research . what is the advantages and disadvantages

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case? What can be done to attract more local people to these museums?