IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates have led some people to say that universities should not teach arts subjects, like philosophy and history, an only offers practical degree courses that maximize chances of employment. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#university #fees #employment #prospects #graduates #people #universities #arts #subjects #philosophy #history #courses #chances
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 present world, obtaining lucrative jobs and breaking into the market
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on people’s
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
. Some people believe that in order to increase
graduates
Use synonyms
’
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities; educational establishments should educate more vocational subjects than training arts subjects because of a huge amount of universities’ tuition and the reduction in
rate
Add an article
the rate
show examples
 of
employing
Replace the word
employment
show examples
. I am not convinced that universities should offer practical degree courses. There are several reasons why some concerns say that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artistic topics can be hugely beneficial for
graduates
Use synonyms
.
firstly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society needs
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 wide range of
career
Change the noun form
careers
show examples
 like philosophy and history. Simply put, the vocational occupation can not
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 all needs of
fast-changing
Add an article
a fast-changing
show examples
 world, and individuals should be skilled and knowledgeable in all the aspects
such
Linking Words
 as
art
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the scholars in the educational institutions, are being taught by well-educated teachers who had studied
artistic
Add an article
the artistic
show examples
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 to be skilled to transmit
this
Linking Words
 topic to the new generations,
therefore
Linking Words
 if universities did not offer artistic courses, and focused on practical
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
, current society would suffer from the shortage of the essential knowledge like history and philosophy. As a consequence, considering arts as
a crucial courses
Correct the article-noun agreement
a crucial course
crucial courses
show examples
 can have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
constructive and positive effects on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
 development, and
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of it will have
heavy
Add an article
a heavy
show examples
 toll on
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
art
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 would obtain a well-powered occupation and earn more money than practical jobs. There are constant stories about successful citizens who are involved in
artistic
Add an article
the artistic
an artistic
show examples
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and are offered to
employ
Replace the word
employees
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
well paid
Add a hyphen
well-paid
show examples
 careers. Take developed countries as an example, more and more individuals with
art
Use synonyms
 qualifications are
hiring
Wrong verb form
hired
show examples
 in profitable jobs, so students are tending to study and train in
this
Linking Words
 field because of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
good
job
Use synonyms
 prospects.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
art
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 will move up the ladder quickly and gain lucrative occupations. In conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
, the practical qualifications might bring out the
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities,
art
Use synonyms
 degrees will apparently be fruitful for
graduates
Use synonyms
 because of fulfilling
community’s
Correct article usage
the community’s
show examples
 requirements and golden opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 hiring.
Submitted by shokoohghavami on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: