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Band 5

Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others disagree. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #sports
In
this
 contemporary era,
spirit
Add an article
the spirit
a spirit
show examples
 of adventure has been grown
by
Change preposition
among
show examples
people
 followed by extreme
sports
 have become more popular.
However
, some
people
 argue that these kinds of
sports
 ought to be forbidden by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. In my opinion, I profoundly disagree that, extreme
sports
 are threatening
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 humans and have to prevent.
First
 and foremost, dangerous
sports
 are not as challenging as some
people
 perceive because safety and tutorial classes
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been accompanied by them.
That is
 to say, previously
people
 have to register
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 special classes about risky
sports
 in order to learn exclusive techniques, skills and
first
-aid related
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them.
Likewise
, after passing
exams
Add a comma
,exams
show examples
 they are
allowing
Wrong verb form
allowed
show examples
 to do hazardous
sports
. Meanwhile, some organizations always have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
attempted to implement some
strictly
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strict
show examples
 rules that keep these kinds of
sports
 in control whereby minimize
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers
show examples
 of them.
Last
 but not least, laying down restrictions on extreme
sports
 could cause breach the right of individuals. Every government has to robust infrastructure conditions of their countries and provide innumerable facilities for
people
 who
keen
Add a missing verb
are keen
show examples
 on risky
sports
 as well as encourage them
chase
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to chase
show examples
 their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 enthusiastically.
Conversely
, if extreme
sports
 have been hindered by governments, individuals will pursue their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 illegally which can trigger myriad detrimental consequences
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
humans'
Change noun form
humans
show examples
 health. In conclusion, imposing
ban
Correct article usage
a ban
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 risky
sports
 not only
breach
Wrong verb form
breaching
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human rights but
also
 can cause some serious health
hazard
Fix the agreement mistake
hazards
show examples
.
Furthermore
, some special classes related to dangerous
sports
 have
held
Add a missing verb
been held
show examples
 under
supervision
Add an article
the supervision
show examples
 of some organizations
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 increase
people
's knowledge about them.
Submitted by shahlad on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
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  • incentives
  • obesity
  • recreation
  • well-being
  • peer pressure
  • physical fitness
  • endurance
  • balance
  • teamwork
  • coordination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • discipline
  • facilities
  • accessible
  • affordable
  • curriculum
  • extracurricular
  • inclusion
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