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Band 4.5

Getting promotions are one of the biggest motivators for hard work in the modern workplace. Why are people so driven to receive promotions? What other factors motivate people to work hard?

#promotions #motivators #work #workplace #people #factors
It is generally acknowledged that the majority of
people
 are encouraged to
work
 hard when they get promoted in contemporary society.
This
 essay will outline why
people
 want to get
promotions
 and suggest other factors that should be taken into consideration.
To begin
 with, some
people
 argue that
people
 can have better job satisfaction when they receive
promotions
. they
also
 believe that not only can
promotions
 for
workers
 bring about confidence among them, but it may
also
 contribute to receiving well-paid, thereby leading to a sense of satisfaction.
However
, from my point of view, it is not always
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 to
workers
 due to high responsibilities. when
people
 level up to an upper position, to a certain degree, they have more responsibilities.
Therefore
, they might become
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
 due to
excessive
Correct article usage
the excessive
show examples
 burden on them. There are other factors
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 help
workers
work
 hard. Providing a peaceful working atmosphere can enhance teamwork, and
therefore
 individuals respect
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 another.
As a result
, they do not need to use their energy
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the difficulties of
Add an article
a relationship
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
, rather they can concentrate on their
work
.
For example
, In Korea, a lot of nurses who are disappointed at intimidating coworkers tend to make more mistakes due to nervousness. As the example clearly illustrates, a peaceful working atmosphere plays an important role to
work
 well.
Moreover
,
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 place is
also
 a crucial factor to help
people
 focus on
work
. If their working place is located at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 point that can easily be approached,
workers
 do not need to waste their time and energy
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
commuting. If they use
excessive
Add an article
the excessive
show examples
 time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
commuting they would become tired before they start
work
.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the Korea Labour Foundation has revealed that the performance of companies that are located downtown is approximately 20% higher than that of companies that are required
a long
Correct your spelling
along
show examples
 commuting time.
As a result
, while I accept that getting
promotions
 can sometimes be useful for
people
 to
work
 hard, it can cause stress. From my perspective Working atmosphere and the location of
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 area are important factors
make
Correct pronoun usage
that make
show examples
 employees
work
 hard.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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