Many people argue that eating junk food has led to an unhealthy lifestyle. This problem has become more common among young people these days. Do you agree or disagree that junk food is the cause of the issue?

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It is generally acknowledged that the reason why people become unhealthy is because of
junk
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food
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.
However
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, I strongly disagree with
this
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assertion as I believe the problem is a lack of
exercise
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rather than
junk
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food
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.
To begin
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with, some people assert that not only can the consumption of high sugary
junk
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food
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cause obesity, but it may
also
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contribute to other major health problems
such
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as diabetes.
However
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, it is not
a
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apply
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truth as
junk
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food
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is made by
dietitions
Correct your spelling
dietitians
dieticians
with
Change preposition
without
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considering the perfect ratio of nutrition.
For example
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, an experiment conducted by an American science teacher has revealed that
although
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he ate 3 meals in a day at Macdonald’s
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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is one of
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junk
Correct article usage
the junk
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food
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restaurants for 90days, he lost 17kg. What is more, his cholesterol rate
also
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decreased.
Consequently
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, he became healthier than before he had participated in the experiment As the example clearly illustrates, eating
junk
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food
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is not
key
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a key
the key
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factor in leading to an unhealthy body.
next
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, while some people believe that eating healthy
food
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brings about
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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lifestyle
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, I would point out that the scarcity of
exercise
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plays a key factor in
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
show examples
lifestyle
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. In the modern era, a significant number of children play video games at home rather they go to a playground.
As a result
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,
Although
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they eat only healthy
food
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, they cannot maintain healthy bodies. From my point of view as a registered nurse in Korea, even though youngsters eat fruit and vegetables rather than fast
food
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, if they do not perform enough
exercise
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, they would become vulnerable. Since
exercise
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is indispensable for
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
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immune system and strong bones. In conclusion, while
junk
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food
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is known as the stigma of unhealthy
food
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, I believe it is not a problem, rather a lack of
exercise
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with
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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lifestyle
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contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
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to an unhealthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dietary habits
  • self-control
  • advertising
  • appealing
  • convenience culture
  • fast food
  • obesity rates
  • nutritional education
  • affordability
  • psychological effects
  • well-being
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