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Band 5.5

Some people consider computers to be more of a hindrance than a help. Others believe that they have greatly increased human potential. How could computers be considered a hindrance?

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In modern lifestyles, the majority of digital users get
Add an article
an asset

The noun phrase asset seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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asset
Fix the agreement mistake
assets

It seems that asset may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 to the worldwide community with a simple fingerprint. Most of the people who eventually raise the opposite relief about computerized systems are harmful systems for primary users. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 thesis, I will demonstrate digital impacts on accommodative communication levels and distracted self-focus on a valuable achievement.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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friendly computer interaction is the responsive structure for a wide range of alternative users.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the user can resign any educational lesson, problematic explanation and multiple entertainments. Technological advances in modern society have restricted some of the significant momenta that
consists
Change the verb form
consist

The singular verb consists does not appear to agree with the plural subject the significant momenta. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 of #Metoo Women's Rights and LGBT+.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 worldwide networking utilization starts teaching ethnical cultures alongside dances, performances and cuisine.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, every individual realized the various perspectives on computer systems that lead to being outweighed
on
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 the beneficial commonplaces. On the negative side, maintaining personal usage on the internet has
caused
Add a missing verb
been caused

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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 by social media addiction or digital content addiction. Most of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 problem aspect is the time consumption disclaims approachable education.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, college students spend their primary tasks gathering research and completing their online exams.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Facebook will draw their attention to vivid posts that aim for immature shorter focuses.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, frequent students will produce the lower score with longer time consumption on the internet; and sometimes gain dismissed information due to the rushed final. In conclusion, technological advances in current lifestyle are initial desires to asset human race acknowledges.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, people are approaching a variety of elementary movements to impair society's relief. Despite significant contributions, they must've taken control while using technology alongside proper information and social media.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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