IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Although many people value their public parks, this space could be for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or to develop business and boost economies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #value #parks #space #purposes #areas #population #business #economies
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Public parks are an attraction for many
people
Use synonyms
 of different ages to visit,
however
Linking Words
, others deem that
such
Linking Words
spaces
Use synonyms
 should be better used to build habitat areas for the rising number of locals or companies to develop the economy of the city. In my view, the presence of amenities like these is essential since it is not only a space where
people
Use synonyms
 can spend their leisure time but
also
Linking Words
 a conservation of many ecosystems. Despite its undeniable worth, some
people
Use synonyms
 still hold that sheltering the growing amount of population
as well as
Linking Words
 developing the local economy by constructing new accommodations or new businesses should be favoured over green
spaces
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, individuals should have plenty of choices when it comes to finding a place to live and have the right to secure good jobs in their cities.
For example
Linking Words
, graduated students who just
transited
Verb problem
transitioned
show examples
 to adult life would prioritise getting work and a convenient settlement without the need to travel away.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that these
spaces
Use synonyms
 could be better used for other purposes.
However
Linking Words
, most locals would crave a place where they can have quality time after a long day at work or break the routine.
Overall
Linking Words
, green
spaces
Use synonyms
 provide
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 picturesque, scenic, and relaxing views that the city's residents need.
For instance
Linking Words
, on free days families go out so they can breathe fresh air and recharge after draining workdays.
Moreover
Linking Words
, parks usually attract many species that will use it as a shelter from insects
such
Linking Words
 as butterflies to different types of birds,
also
Linking Words
 the trees will absorb toxic gases and release oxygen into the air.
Consequently
Linking Words
, there are many good reasons why we should protect and value
this
Linking Words
 kind of facility. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is deemed that residential areas and business buildings must replace
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public parks, I disagree with the above statement and argue that these public resorts are a breather for many ecosystems, namely humans, animals, and plants.
Submitted by majdouline.azouzoute on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful. Consider providing a clearer position statement in the introduction and a stronger restatement of your main points in the conclusion.
task response
Ensure that each paragraph is focused on one main idea and that your arguments are more directly related to the prompt. Consider providing more specific examples to support your points.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: