IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Write about the following topic. Bullying is a big problem in many schools. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words.

#topic #schools
Nowadays, one of the biggest issues around the world is that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools have an incidence of bullying. In my opinion,
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
supervising
Replace the word
supervision
show examples
 of their guardian is the reason behind it.
That is
 why
parents
 should give
time
 to guide
the
Change the word
their
show examples
children
 to prevent
this
 kind of issue. To commence with, youngsters are not fully aware of what is right or wrong. In
this
 generation, most
of
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apply
show examples
the
parents
 are busy working
due to
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apply
show examples
the fact that they want to give a better life for their
children
.
For instance
,
parents
 are extending
time
 at work just to have more salary and after they got home they are too exhausted to talk or ask
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
 about schools.
Consequently
, the child will seek attention
to
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from
show examples
 their classmates by bullying them.
Furthermore
, they do not know if it is the right way to behave
in
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toward
show examples
 other people. Making
time
to
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for
show examples
 their
love
Replace the word
loved
show examples
 ones are crucial to be updated
to
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on
show examples
 what is happening
on
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in
show examples
 their life. One of the
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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adults should do is to balance their
time
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 family and work.
For example
, even though
parents
 are working for longer hours, they should make
time
 to discuss with their
children
 about school after work.
Moreover
, it is better to have a daily schedule
their
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for their
show examples
children
 just to supervise them and lecture them on how to socialize. In
this
, youngsters will be guided properly on their behaviour.
In addition
 to that, they will not seek attention
to
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from
show examples
 their classmates because
thier
Correct your spelling
their
parents
 are there to listen to them. To sum up, in cases of bullying the reason
on
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for
show examples
 it is not having enough tutelage from their
parents
. In that,
time
 management is the solution to
this
, so that they will have
time
 to supervise their
children
.
As a result
, bullying
of
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apply
show examples
other people will not be an option and can be prevented.
Submitted by gaylee_23 on

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