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Band 4.5

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree

#people #prisoners #community #work #bars
Nowadays it is quite easy to find
prisoners
 doing activities including unpaid
community
work
.
For instance
, a book about the influence of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
volunteer
work
 had been published,
then
 some people believe that it will be great for
prisoners
. It is agreed that
prisoners
 should join unpaid
community
work
. Analyzing the
effect
 of satisfaction for
prisoners
, as well as a low
claim
rate
 after doing
volunteer
work
. Doing unpaid
community
work
 gives
prisoners
 better health conditions. It has shown that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
82 per
cent
 of
prisoners
 doing
volunteer
work
 feel happy and satisfied,
on the contrary
 only 38 per
cent
 of
prisoners
 without any activities by the Japanese government.
Moreover
,
prisoners
 do not tend to have a violent activity with others in
prison
 after the nonprofit
work
.
Therefore
,
this
 makes it clear that joining
community
work
 for free gives
prisoners
 better health conditions.
In addition
 to that,
community
work
 will be a good
effect
 on decreasing the
claim
rate
 for
prisoners
. Some people commit a
claim
 after leaving
prison
 even though they took lectures for not doing crucial things in
prison
.
However
, a
prison
gives
Correct pronoun usage
that gives
show examples
 unpaid
community
work
 for prisons has a low
claim
rate
, 2 per
cent
, after leaving the
prison
, compared to 17 per
cent
 of
others
Correct pronoun usage
other
show examples
 prisons.
Thus
 it becomes apparent that
community
work
 will be a good
effect
 on decreasing the
claim
rate
 for
prisoners
. In summary, we discussed the
effect
 of satisfaction for
prisoners
, as well as a low
claim
rate
 after doing
volunteer
work
.
Therefore
, the idea that
prisoners
 should do unpaid
community
work
 can be supported. After
thorough
Add an article
a thorough
show examples
 analysis of
this
 subject, it is predicted that if the government use
this
 theory effectively, our country will succeed in reducing the
claim
rate
 and violent activity.
Submitted by lyu on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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