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Writing Samples /
Band 6

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by fast food. This has a negative impact on families. Individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #foods #food #impact #families #individuals #society
It is generally acknowledged in a significant number of countries that fast
food
replace
Correct subject-verb agreement
replaces
show examples
 traditional
food
 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
brings disadvantages
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 families, each person, and society. Regarding
this
, I believe that
such
 a trend is not always disadvantageous. On the one hand, if
people
 only eat fast
food
 rather than traditional
food
, national identities would be absent since
food
 is one part of the culture. With all
people
 eating the same fast
food
, there would be fewer consumption of traditional
food
 and
therefore
 tradition would eventually disappear, and along with them, their cultures.
Moreover
, fast
food
 is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
 health. Fast
food
 contains more preservatives and sugar than traditional
food
. Not only can consumption of high sugary
food
 brings about
obesity
, but it may
also
 contribute to other major health issues
such
 as type 2 diabetes.
For example
, a survey conducted by OECD, the
obesity
 rate in Korea where
people
 prefer to eat traditional
food
 was about 9%, that in America where
people
 enjoy eating fast
food
 was approximately more than 30%. As
example
Correct article usage
the example
show examples
 clearly illustrates, eating fast
food
instead
 of traditional
food
 is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 all of the public in the modern era.
On the other hand
, fast
food
 is necessary
in
Change the preposition
for
show examples
 contemporary society. Some
people
 cannot afford traditional
food
 since cooking traditional
food
 requires more amount of time and money compared to fast
food
. A lot of countries experience a recession and a lack of
food
. What is more,
people
 to a certain degree, suffer from
hectic
Add an article
a hectic
the hectic
show examples
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
, so some poor and busy families have to eat fast
food
. If fast
food
 had not been
provide
Change the verb form
providing
provided
show examples
, they would not have sustained their life.
Hence
, fast
food
 is indispensable for poor families.
In addition
,
although
 traditional
food
 is healthier than fast
food
, fast
food
 is not the origin of
obesity
.
For instance
, an experiment conducted by an American science teacher
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
revealed that even though he had eaten only fast
food
 from Macdonald’s for 90days, he lost
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
weight by 17 kg, and his cholesterol rate decreased as well.
As a result
, eating fast
food
 is acceptable. In conclusion, while I accept that traditional
food
 can sometimes be rather important to maintain national identity and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle, there is no doubt that eating fast
food
 is necessary for some poor
people
.
Additionally
, the brief that fast
food
 causes
obesity
 is a stigma.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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