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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Young people are often influenced by their peers. This is called peer group pressure. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Youngsters can have some impacts on each other, which is known as peer group pressure.
This
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 essay will explore why I believe the positives of being influenced by
peers
Use synonyms
 are outweighed by the drawbacks.
Firstly
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, the main advantages of
this
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 impact are progression and being motivated. With regard to the former, the young sometimes can be encouraged by their
peers
Use synonyms
 to improve. Simply put, young people usually set goals for their future, ranging from continuing their tertiary education and learning a new language to coping with a new job.
This
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 may motivate other young people to do so to have a brighter future. As for the latter, young
peers
Use synonyms
 can positively influence each other to tackle
the
Correct article usage
apply
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failure and keep possessing hope for the future. As most youngsters sometimes talk about their challenges with their
peers
Use synonyms
 and resort to them whenever they face difficulties, they can convince each other to start again and lift their
souls
Check wording
spirits
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.
However
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,
this
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 kind of effect can have some downsides.
First,
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most young
peers
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 tend to assess their performances and improvements with their
peers
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.
As a result
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, if their
peers
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 gain some achievements in their lives,
whereas
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 they fail to achieve some, their self-confidence might be shaken.
Second,
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being influenced by their
peers
Use synonyms
, young people are likely to fail to have independent thought lines.
This
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 is
because
Punctuation problem
because,
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 regardless of their capacities, abilities, knowledge, and experiences, they may decide to
have
Verb problem
make
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 the exact
decision
Correct word choice
same decision
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 that their
peers
Use synonyms
 would make for their lives.
Consequently
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, since they do not live
according to
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 their own interests and capacities, their lives may not improve as long as they are influenced by each other.
Finally
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, some
peers
Use synonyms
 are bound to lead each other to some offences or become addicted to alcohol or drugs. In conclusion, it seems advisable that the disadvantages of peer group pressure, which are comparing their improvements with each other, having dependent thought lines, and coping with illegal
actions
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actions,
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 outweigh its advantages.

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task response
Plan your work. Say your view in the first line. Then add 2-3 big ideas and prove them with 1 detail each.
coherence
Use clear link words and topic sentences. Make each paragraph show one idea, then end with a short line that links to the next idea.
grammar
Fix bad grammar. Shorten long sentences. Use simple, common words.
content development
structure
Clear opening and closing with a stated view.
organization
Use of step words like First, Second, Finally.
balance
Shows both sides before giving a final view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • peer
  • peers
  • group
  • pressure
  • influence
  • positive
  • negative
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • benefit
  • harm
  • choice
  • decision
  • safe
  • risk
  • study
  • work
  • class
  • club
  • team
  • belong
  • trust
  • help
  • advice
  • say no
  • self
  • confidence
  • future
  • model
  • example
  • rule
  • limit
  • agree
  • talk
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