IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #support #aid #organizations #attention #celebrities
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Celebrities
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 are influencing our society in many different ways. Some international
aid
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organizations
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 are involving
the
Correct article usage
apply
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famous
people
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 to draw the
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
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attentions
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attention
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 of the public.
However
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, many
people
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 are debating whether it is a feasible way to attract the public’s
attention
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 correctly. In the view of those who support involving famous
people
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 in advertising for the international
organizations
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, the
celebrities
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 can influence a wider range of
people
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 and some are even influential worldwide. Regardless of the
amount
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number
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 of
people
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 being functional in the
organization
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 eventually, the effect of
celebrities
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 will interfere
the
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with the
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 subconsciousness of the public and raise the
attention
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to
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of
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 an international
aid
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organization
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. Contractedly, the major concern of those, who are
disapproval
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disapproved
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 of involving
celebrities
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 in the international
aid
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organization
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, are that some of the famous
people
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 may
entertainmentize
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entertainment
 the international
organizations
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.
In addition
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, more
attention
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 is not
representing
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represented
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 for more sufficient actions in an international
organization
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. To provide efficient
assistant
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assistance
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 to an international
organization
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, essential actions are required.
Therefore
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, merely attentions are not enough. From my perspective, I am supportive
to
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of
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 the involvement of the
celebrities
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 in
a
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an
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 international
aid
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 association, because awareness is more powerful.
Furthermore
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, some famous
people
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 will influence the younger generation as well, as they are idolized by the young
people
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. It will bring even more positive effect if the young generation
start
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starts
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 to notice
and
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apply
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the actions
in
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of
show examples
a
Change the article
an
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 international
aid
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organization
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 through those famous
people
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.
As
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In
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 a conclusion,
although
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, involving
celebrities
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 in
a
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an
show examples
 international
aid
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organization
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 does not
necessary
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necessarily
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 mean that sufficient assistance will be provided by the public, through the effect the
celebrities
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 caused. It will significantly increase the
amount
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number
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 of
people
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 who will be aware of the international affairs the
organizations
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 are working on. The
next
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 generation’s
attention
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 will be
Add an article
a draw
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Change the form of the verb
drawn
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draw
Correct your spelling
drawn
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 to these affairs.
Therefore
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, there are more positive effects.
Submitted by camilgray802307 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorse
  • international aid organizations
  • public awareness
  • amplify
  • advocacy
  • systemic change
  • oversimplification
  • trivialization
  • undermining
  • severity
  • misinformed advocacy
  • distorts
  • hamper
  • guided by experts
  • constructive
  • strategically
What to do next:
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