Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Celebrities
are influencing our society in many different ways. Some international
aid
organizations
are involving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous
people
to draw the
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
show examples
attentions
Correct your spelling
attention
show examples
of the public.
However
, many
people
are debating whether it is a feasible way to attract the public’s
attention
correctly. In the view of those who support involving famous
people
in advertising for the international
organizations
, the
celebrities
can influence a wider range of
people
and some are even influential worldwide. Regardless of the
amount
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number
show examples
of
people
being functional in the
organization
eventually, the effect of
celebrities
will interfere
the
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with the
show examples
subconsciousness of the public and raise the
attention
to
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of
show examples
an international
aid
organization
. Contractedly, the major concern of those, who are
disapproval
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disapproved
show examples
of involving
celebrities
in the international
aid
organization
, are that some of the famous
people
may
entertainmentize
Correct your spelling
entertainment
the international
organizations
.
In addition
, more
attention
is not
representing
Wrong verb form
represented
show examples
for more sufficient actions in an international
organization
. To provide efficient
assistant
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assistance
show examples
to an international
organization
, essential actions are required.
Therefore
, merely attentions are not enough. From my perspective, I am supportive
to
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of
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the involvement of the
celebrities
in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
international
aid
association, because awareness is more powerful.
Furthermore
, some famous
people
will influence the younger generation as well, as they are idolized by the young
people
. It will bring even more positive effect if the young generation
start
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starts
show examples
to notice
and
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apply
show examples
the actions
in
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of
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
international
aid
organization
through those famous
people
.
As
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In
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a conclusion,
although
, involving
celebrities
in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
international
aid
organization
does not
necessary
Replace the word
necessarily
show examples
mean that sufficient assistance will be provided by the public, through the effect the
celebrities
caused. It will significantly increase the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of
people
who will be aware of the international affairs the
organizations
are working on. The
next
generation’s
attention
will be
Add an article
a draw
show examples
Change the form of the verb
drawn
show examples
draw
Correct your spelling
drawn
show examples
to these affairs.
Therefore
, there are more positive effects.
Submitted by camilgray802307 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorse
  • international aid organizations
  • public awareness
  • amplify
  • advocacy
  • systemic change
  • oversimplification
  • trivialization
  • undermining
  • severity
  • misinformed advocacy
  • distorts
  • hamper
  • guided by experts
  • constructive
  • strategically
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