IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
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A significant number of
people
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 argue that
individuals
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 should be content
of
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with
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 their actual
situation
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,
meanwhile
Add a comma
,meanwhile
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 others believe
people
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 need to try their best to reach their satisfaction.
Although
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 I agree on seeking the best outcome possible, in
this
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 essay, I will discuss both standpoints. A great number of
people
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 are certain that it is
unneccessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
necessary
 to improve someone's welfare and that it is better to accept what
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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has already been given. Take
for example
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 Emile Zola, a famous determinist novelist that lived in the 1800s, who wrote novels about
people
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 of low class attempting to ameliorate their social rank, but eventually died in the process. While the protagonist was incessantly trying to pursue his goal, his health deteriorated which concluded
with
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in
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death
Correct pronoun usage
his death
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.
This
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 shows that
individuals
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 in order to achieve their dream or enhance their
situation
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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ignore their well-being, and
consequently
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 die.
On the other hand
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, there are
people
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 who firmly believe that
individuals
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 should try to ameliorate their situations in order to live fully.
For instance
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, a major number of rappers come from underprivileged communities. They fully understand their families' struggles and desire to ameliorate the
situation
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 they live in,
therefore
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, through their courage, mental
strenght
Correct your spelling
strength
 and a great desire to enhance their own welfare, they succeed and
rise
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raise
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their
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in their
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 social status. In my opinion,
people
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 should have a goal and try to accomplish it to live
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life
at
Change preposition
to
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 its fullest. In conclusion, there are reasons why
people
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 believe it is
Correct your spelling
inappropriate
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unappropriate
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inappropriate
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 to change a
situation
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 while others
not
Add a missing verb
do not
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. There is no right and no wrong, and
individuals
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 will choose their position based on their preconceptions.
Submitted by mikkia28 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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