IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays many people have access ti computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the effects?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Excessive periods of time spent in front of the
computer
Use synonyms
 screen playing
games
Use synonyms
 can certainly bring about certain physical and behavioural problems.
Children
Use synonyms
 who play a lot of
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are in a sedentary position for a very long time and
this
Linking Words
 can be the reason why many of them are overweight these days.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, long hours of excitement and adrenalin rush has their repercussions, Many experts contend that aggressive reactions to events and occasional tantrums are partly the result of being addicted to
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
 these, playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 for long periods can negatively influence
children
Use synonyms
 from an academic point of view. Some recent research reveals that there is a direct relationship between poor academic performance at school and the extended periods that
children
Use synonyms
 spend on
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
. In order to stop or reduce these negative effects on
children
Use synonyms
, parents must intervene. More parent supervision is indeed a necessity to control the time which
children
Use synonyms
 spend playing
games
Use synonyms
 and they must
instead
Linking Words
 be encouraged to take up a sport or some sort of physical activity to maintain their health. There must
also
Linking Words
 be more counselling at school to push pupils to engage in more exercise and person to person interactions. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 modern technology is not without certain downsides, these negative effects can be controlled and limited by taking wise steps and making an appropriate approach to it.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: