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Band 4.5

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But, others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or tat they find the most interesting. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #teenagers #school #subjects #focus
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Studying is an integral part of
teenagers
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 because it affects their future occupations. Nowadays
students
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 learn more than 10
subjects
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 including computer skills. Some people believe that
teenagers
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 should focus on all
school
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subjects
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, whereas, others argue that
teenagers
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 should concentrate on the
subject
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 that they feel most interesting
or
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in or
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 they are good at. In
this
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 essay, we discuss both views ,
then
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 my opinion will be described. On
one
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 hand, many citizens insist that
teenagers
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 should focus on every
school
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subject
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 since all
subjects
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 give
students
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 general information and it makes an adult who can work any kind of a job with
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 salary. According to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research conducted by the Japanese government in 2020, adults who learned all
subjects
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 in
school
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 get 35 per cent higher salaries than others who did not.
Therefore
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, it makes clear that
teenagers
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 should concentrate on all
subjects
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.
On the other hand
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, a large number of people believe that
teenagers
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 should learn the
subject
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 that they are interested in or they are good at for making
students
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 with special talents.
For instance
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, many Japanese who took Nobel prise tended to study or research
one
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subject
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 when they were young.
Moreover
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, Mitsuo Yosikuni;
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
one
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Change preposition
of
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 famous researcher at Tokyo
university
Change the capitalization
University
show examples
 has shown that
students
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 who
focuses
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focus
show examples
 on
one
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subject
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 have a tendency to be good researcher, scientists and artists.
Thus
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, it became clear that
teenagers
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 should study the
subject
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 that they love. Both sides have the advantage for
student's
Fix the agreement mistake
students'
show examples
 future in a particular way.
However
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, I believe that
teenagers
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 should focus on all
school
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subjects
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 because only a few people can get a talented professional like an artist and a scientist, whereas, it is important to learn all
subjects
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 to get various information for the
mojority
Correct your spelling
majority
 of the
students
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. After a thorough analysis, it is suggested that the Japanese government should make a better education system for teaching all
subjects
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 in an effective way.
Submitted by lyu on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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