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Band 4.5

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

#countries #amount #crime
Crime is a major problem in our society,
currently
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,currently
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 the number of criminal cases is growing among countries. I think there are different causes for
this
 increase in crime and each one must have a good investigation to solve it. Criminal acts have always existed in our lives and we try to keep them under control with laws and justice. Every country has its own
sistem
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system
 about it and not all of them are successful. In my
opinion
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,opinion
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 the most relevant cause of crime is the penal
sistem
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system
 and
then
 education.
First
 of all, I will talk about the penal
sistem
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system
 of my country as an example. I believe that in Spain we do not have a good legal institution. We are weak with the punishments and rely on reintegration. It is
demostrated
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demonstrated
 that in many cases,
this
 is not
posible
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possible
, most
of
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apply
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the criminals do not know about change;
moreover
, we reward good behaviour very early so many offenders think that it is profitable to
be spend
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spend
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 a few years in jail and
then
 get out without any impact.
Therefore
 I think one of the causes is our too permissive system. As a
second
cause
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,cause
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 I mentioned education because I believe it could be the way to prevent many criminal acts. Often, delinquents have a high drop-out rate from school.
In addition
, they might have difficulties at home
among
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with
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 their
family
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families
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such
 as financial problems and even
psycholigycal
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psychological
 traumas. A bad childhood could cause troubles in the future. In conclusion, we need to improve two aspects, on the one
hand
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,hand
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 our legal system for punishment without
second
 chances and
on the other hand
 to ensure a good education for all children.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • propensity
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitative
  • judicial system
  • corruption
  • socioeconomic
  • alienation
  • stigmatization
  • decriminalization
  • enforcement
  • gentrification
  • preemptive measures
  • intervention strategies
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