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Band 5.5

It is believed that women are more suited to child rearing than men. What is your opinion?

#women #child #men
Raising
children
 is a serious situation after
children
's births. Some people believed that women are more suitable to take care of a
child
 than men. In my opinion, I could not agree more and I will explain my opinion in the following paragraphs. On the one hand,
Children
 will feel heartwarming when they was cared for not only by their mother but
also
Change preposition
by a
show examples
a
Change the word
their
show examples
 father. From academic report identified
children
 who had appropriately taken care of both mother and father. They will have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better mental and physical growth than single moms or single dads because their parents can help to support
children
 more than single.
Accordingly
,
Children
 think they are not living lonely and they are safe from societal conditions.
On the other hand
, We should accept in real-life society that not all families are
read
Correct your spelling
ready
show examples
 to have a
child
 at the home. Especially in developing countries, Early love relationships in the adolescent period lack
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
knowledge and seniority to live together.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the worst case, some adolescent couples
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 mistaken because they
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a
child
 while learning. When a
child
 was born with a lack of prepared knowledge of protecting sexual relationships and is not
ready
Replace the word
readily
show examples
 prepared to have a
child
. It causes karma to
children
that
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 parents did not fully raise them. In my country, I have seen a lot of fathers punish
children
 seriously in the media and I
sure
Add a missing verb
am sure
show examples
 that will affect the mental health of
children
.
Moreover
, I still see depressing news that the father rapes or indicates their daughter.
Accordingly
, It makes me think that women are more suited to raise a
child
 than men. In conclusion, I think it depends on a lot of factors in a specific society in order to accept who was more suitable for raising a
child
.
Submitted by first.kantapat on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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