Many argue that young people who commit serious crimes, such as robbery or violent attacks should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With an increasing trend in juvenile delinquency, whether or not young people who commit
crimes
should have the same punishment as adults has aroused wide concerns among various circles. I personally
diagree
Correct your spelling
disagree
with the view that young
criminals
should be punished in the same way as adults. Today I would like to shed light on
this
topic.
Firstly
, by having the same punishment as adult
offenders
, young
criminals
may not learn from the mistakes that they have made. It is due to the fact that teenagers are at a tender age developmentally, and
therefore
they are incapable of differentiating right from wrong. According to some research conducted by the University of Hong Kong, the best method to both punish youth
offenders
and decrease the rate of
crimes
is to
having
Change the form of the verb
have
show examples
them
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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carry out community service. Not only can young
criminals
participating in community services give them a sense of belonging to society, but it can
also
reduce the rate of re-committed
crimes
. What is
also
worthy of our attention is that
career
Correct article usage
the career
show examples
development of young
criminals
will be hindered if they are punished as same as adult
offenders
. By having the same punishment as adults, permanent criminal records will
be inevitably resulted
Change to the active voice
inevitably result
have inevitably resulted
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
young
criminals
. Since numerous jobs
such
as those in healthcare professionals are only opened to people who do not have criminal histories,
this
in turn
Add the comma(s)
, in turn,
show examples
will have a negative impact on the career path of young
criminals
and
eventually
Add a comma
,eventually
show examples
they will be unable to financially support themselves in the future. Worse still, they would commit the
crimes
again for being become financially independent. All in all,
although
it is of paramount importance that
criminals
should be responsible for the mistakes that they have made, young
criminals
should not be punished in the same way as adult
offenders
for the sake of their career paths and
well-being
Correct article usage
the well-being
show examples
of society.
Submitted by adrianworld on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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