Many argue that young people who commit serious crimes, such as robbery or violent attacks should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #robbery #attacks #adults

With an increasing trend in juvenile delinquency, whether or not young people who commit

crimes

should have the same punishment as adults has aroused wide concerns among various circles. I personally

diagree

Correct your spelling

disagree

with the view that young

criminals

should be punished in the same way as adults. Today I would like to shed light on

this

topic.

Firstly

, by having the same punishment as adult

offenders

, young

criminals

may not learn from the mistakes that they have made. It is due to the fact that teenagers are at a tender age developmentally, and

therefore

they are incapable of differentiating right from wrong. According to some research conducted by the University of Hong Kong, the best method to both punish youth

offenders

and decrease the rate of

crimes

is to

having

Change the form of the verb

have

show examples

them

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

carry out community service. Not only can young

criminals

participating in community services give them a sense of belonging to society, but it can

also

reduce the rate of re-committed

crimes

. What is

also

worthy of our attention is that

career

Correct article usage

the career

show examples

development of young

criminals

will be hindered if they are punished as same as adult

offenders

. By having the same punishment as adults, permanent criminal records will

be inevitably resulted

Change to the active voice

inevitably result

have inevitably resulted

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

young

criminals

. Since numerous jobs

such

as those in healthcare professionals are only opened to people who do not have criminal histories,

this

in turn

Add the comma(s)

, in turn,

show examples

will have a negative impact on the career path of young

criminals

and

eventually

Add a comma

,eventually

show examples

they will be unable to financially support themselves in the future. Worse still, they would commit the

crimes

again for being become financially independent. All in all,

although

it is of paramount importance that

criminals

should be responsible for the mistakes that they have made, young

criminals

should not be punished in the same way as adult

offenders

for the sake of their career paths and

well-being

Correct article usage

the well-being

show examples

of society.

Submitted by adrianworld on Wed May 25 2022

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

312 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many argue that young people who commit serious crimes, such as robbery or violent attacks should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In the past, most people used to travel to their place of work. With increased use of computers, the Internet and smartphones, more and more people are starting to work from home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

In some countries, most people prefer to rent their homes rather than buying them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of renting a home?

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to become successful career. While others believe that it is better to get a job staight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some says that music, art and drama are important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

In many cities around the world pollution levels have risen in recent years. Why are some cities becoming more polluted? What effects does this have? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.