IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#media #effect #relationships #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With the new development in electronic
Use synonyms
media
Add a comma
,media
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have new opportunities
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 communication
such
Linking Words
 as
relationships
Use synonyms
 between
people
Use synonyms
. And some
people
Use synonyms
 think that it negatively affects
people
Use synonyms
's
relationships
Use synonyms
. Actually, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, but there are still some advantages
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
. On the one hand, we can observe that electronic
media
Use synonyms
 is bad for personal
relationships
Use synonyms
. With social
Use synonyms
media
Add a comma
,media
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 forget about meeting in person and they lose their communication skills which is extremely terrible. After all, in the
future
Add a comma
,future
show examples
 there will be some problems with solving problems face to face because there wasn't proper practice.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, electronic
media
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 a way to make
relationships
Use synonyms
 better.
For instance
Linking Words
, 30 years ago there were no phones or something else to communicate very fast as we're doing right now. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 can chat or call each other on different topics no matter where
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 stay and no matter what device
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
you use. In my opinion, it is really convenient in many ways.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the progress of technology has gone too far, so
people
Use synonyms
 can have new personal
relationships
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
media
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram, Facebook, Telegram and so on. That means every person can find the other half or friend despite any problems with communication in real life. In conclusion, I would like to say there are many pros and cons
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the use of electronic
media
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 have to find their own golden mean between
relationships
Use synonyms
 in social
media
Use synonyms
 and in real life because it is very crucial.
Submitted by Alexandrdr.35 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: