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Writing Samples
Band 5

Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effect on your children.Do you agree or disagree?

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There is an opinion asserting that spending a huge amount of
time
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 in front of the
computer
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by
Change preposition
apply
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children
Use synonyms
 can cause serious problems than it would be beneficial. I completely agree with the given assertion on the basis of physical and social damages. There are some people who believe that working with computers would benefit
children
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. The main reason they put forward is that parents nowadays have a hectic lifestyle and
as a result
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 do not have enough
time
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 to play with their kids and entertain them.
This
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 trend would demand an alternative way for
children
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 to fill their
time
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 and become entertained. Another reason is that they are able to learn working with
computer
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 and become accustomed to
this
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 tool which is useful in many areas. constructing a good knowledge of computers during their childhood would be desirable to find a career in future. There are several reasons why using a
computer
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 could have detrimental effects.
Firstly
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,
demanding
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by demanding
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 fewer physical activities while they are working with
this
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 technology,
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children
Change noun form
children's
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 health may be in danger. In fact, being less active there would be
possibility
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a possibility
the possibility
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 for them to become obsessive.
This
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 can cause serious health problems in their adulthood
such
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 as heart attacks.
In addition
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, staring at the screen for a long
time
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 would harm their eyes.
Moreover
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, playing with
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Add an article
the computer
a computer
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
show less tendency to go out and be in society. Having less communication with other
children
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, in turn, result in them becoming less sociable and not
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 able to make new friends. In conclusion,
however
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, there would be some benefits
in
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to
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 using computers during childhood,
its
Correct word choice
but its
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 damaging effects are by no means negligible as it harms
physical
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the physical
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 and mental health of
children
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 in the long term.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cyber safety
  • screen time
  • cognitive development
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • social isolation
  • digital literacy
  • interactive learning
  • virtual communication
  • physical well-being
  • academic performance
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