IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You would like a temporary job working in the summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children and young people next summer. Write a letter to the organizers of the summer camp. In your letter: explain what sort of job you would like to do describe your personality say what experience and skills you have

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Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to request you about a temporary job working in your summer camp. First of all, I saw the brochure on the bulletin board yesterday. I am very interested in that job.
That is
Linking Words
 why I would like to apply for
this
Linking Words
 temporary job as a teacher.
In addition
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, I have been a professional table tennis player
as well as
Linking Words
 a coach. My students always said to me that my personality is so kind and faithful.
Thus
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, I have been getting along well with my students' parents .
Moreover
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, as I mentioned, I am professinal table tennis player and participated in international competitions. So, I have a bunch of experience. Probably, I can make children enjoy and feel fun. I would appreciate it if you could reply to my message as soon as possible. Yours sincerely, Kazuya Nakagawa

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task response
Answer all three parts more fully. Say clearly what exact job you want, what you are like, and what skills you can use at camp.
task response
Use a more natural purpose in the first line. Write that you are applying for a summer job, not requesting about a job.
task response
Give one or two clear examples of your work with children. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Use words like also, because, so, and for example.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. One paragraph for the job, one for personality, and one for skills and experience.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word order and grammar points because they can make the message less clear.
task response
You covered the main points of the task.
task response
Your tone is polite and right for a formal letter.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear opening and closing.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are easy to follow most of the time.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 150 words in writing task 1. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long letter will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 160 to 190 words in writing task 1. This will ensure a concise letter and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 20 minutes to write the letter and you need around 5 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long letter in 15 minutes.

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