IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Since the 18th century technological advances have replaced people in the workplace. With today’s technology this process is happening at a greater rate. Technology is increasingly responsible for unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#century #advances #people #workplace #today’s #technology #process #rate #unemployment
Technology
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 influence in many parts
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 every country around the world which
people
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 very helpful for
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lifestyle and inter-connection
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
anywhere and anytime.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 it
is play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 an important role to support human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
, but
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
rate
 will
be happen
Change the verb form
happen
show examples
 which is really impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the workers. It
is agree
Change the verb form
is agreed
show examples
 that the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
greater
rate
 of
technology
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 the result of
people
's work. Reducing the employers due to the developing of the modern
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 as well as the new creation of
technology
 every year.
Firstly
, the
overiew
Correct your spelling
overview
 of the factory companies which known as a kind of the big company and contain many workers. The employer of the factory
consider
Change the verb form
considers
show examples
to build
Change the verb form
building
show examples
 more productor for increasing the quality of the production and helping their employee's work.
Although
this
 point is very helpful,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
the
unemployment
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
go up
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one day.
For instance
, inside a clothing factory used to need
people
 to cut and prepared
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their production for export, but right now they just buy more clothing equipment to help on it,
thus
 it is the result that the manager
consider
Change the verb form
considers
show examples
to reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
 more workers
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
show examples
 their expenses.
Secondly
, currently,
people
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
 more than contact with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
each other which to more experience with the new invention.
For example
, Tellers who are working at the bank and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
banking services for the customer
such
 as deposit,
withdraw
Replace the word
withdrawal
show examples
, transfer money and
Correct your spelling
so
show examples
son
Correct your spelling
so
show examples
 on. Creating the new invention of
ATM
Change the article
the ATM
show examples
 machine or bank mobile app which are contain many
funtions
Correct your spelling
functions
 for using and save much time, so
people
 will prefer doing it at home rather than going directly to the bank.
This
 is the result that the
tellers's
Remove the s
tellers'
show examples
unemployment
rate
 is going to
be rise
Change the verb form
rise
show examples
 up for no reason. To sum up, the greater
rate
 of the
techonloy
Correct your spelling
technology
is not only improve
Change the verb form
is not only improved
is not only improving
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 work life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
a
Add a missing verb
has a
show examples
bad effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 every
sectors
Change to a singular noun
sector
show examples
 and it is
impact
Add an article
the impact
an impact
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the income, so the government consider
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 more money to support their citizen. I can analyze that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 should
using
Change the verb form
use
be using
show examples
 the
technology
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 well-minded and
appriate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 way which is a helpful part for
maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
show examples
 the big
rate
 of it and
unemployment
.
Submitted by sedfrtgt on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: