IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Since the 18th century technological advances have replaced people in the workplace. With today’s technology this process is happening at a greater rate. Technology is increasingly responsible for unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#century #advances #people #workplace #today’s #technology #process #rate #unemployment
Technology
have
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has
show examples
 influence in many parts
in
Change preposition
of
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 every country around the world which
people
Correct your spelling
believe
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belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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that
Correct word choice
apply
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its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 very helpful for
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lifestyle and inter-connection
in
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apply
show examples
anywhere and anytime.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 it
is play
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plays
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 an important role to support human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
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, but
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
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in
show examples
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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rate
 will
be happen
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happen
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 which is really impact
to
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on
show examples
 the workers. It
is agree
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is agreed
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 that the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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greater
rate
 of
technology
as
Correct your spelling
is
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 the result of
people
's work. Reducing the employers due to the developing of the modern
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 as well as the new creation of
technology
 every year.
Firstly
, the
overiew
Correct your spelling
overview
 of the factory companies which known as a kind of the big company and contain many workers. The employer of the factory
consider
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considers
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to build
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building
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 more productor for increasing the quality of the production and helping their employee's work.
Although
this
 point is very helpful,
but
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apply
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the
unemployment
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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go up
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one day.
For instance
, inside a clothing factory used to need
people
 to cut and prepared
for
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apply
show examples
their production for export, but right now they just buy more clothing equipment to help on it,
thus
 it is the result that the manager
consider
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considers
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to reduce
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reducing
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 more workers
in
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to
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maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
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 their expenses.
Secondly
, currently,
people
using
Wrong verb form
use
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
 more than contact with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
each other which to more experience with the new invention.
For example
, Tellers who are working at the bank and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
banking services for the customer
such
 as deposit,
withdraw
Replace the word
withdrawal
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, transfer money and
Correct your spelling
so
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son
Correct your spelling
so
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 on. Creating the new invention of
ATM
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the ATM
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 machine or bank mobile app which are contain many
funtions
Correct your spelling
functions
 for using and save much time, so
people
 will prefer doing it at home rather than going directly to the bank.
This
 is the result that the
tellers's
Remove the s
tellers'
show examples
unemployment
rate
 is going to
be rise
Change the verb form
rise
show examples
 up for no reason. To sum up, the greater
rate
 of the
techonloy
Correct your spelling
technology
is not only improve
Change the verb form
is not only improved
is not only improving
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 work life
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
a
Add a missing verb
has a
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bad effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 every
sectors
Change to a singular noun
sector
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 and it is
impact
Add an article
the impact
an impact
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
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the income, so the government consider
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
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 more money to support their citizen. I can analyze that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 should
using
Change the verb form
use
be using
show examples
 the
technology
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 well-minded and
appriate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 way which is a helpful part for
maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
show examples
 the big
rate
 of it and
unemployment
.
Submitted by sedfrtgt on

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Your opinion

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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