IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money other public services. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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Many people have an opinion that the use of money on art forms is an unnecessary expense for government sectors.
Instead
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, some suggest spending money on social services is a better option.I have the opinion that these funds can be used for the betterment of society.
To begin
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 with ,creative activities have influenced among human population up to some extent ,even though it is illogical to expend a large amount of cash on them.Owing the importance of investing income in other purposes
such
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 as the development of hospitals, infrastructure and foreign business could help people
to get
Verb problem
achieve
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stable well-being in their own country. To elaborate, if the public sector fund is utilised for raising better health facilities could improve the medical status of the population.
Consequently
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,
eradicate
Correct subject-verb agreement
eradicates
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 most of the contagious
as well as
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 lifestyle diseases.
In addition
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, smooth transportation service is inevitable,for
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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using amount for the construction of new roads is
also
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 a necessity for the expansion of the nation.
Furthermore
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, these reserved currencies can be disbursed for double the national economy.
For instance
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, tying up with internationally established companies automatically
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 the country's income.
As a result
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, a huge number of youth could get job opportunities .In
this
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 way,each family in the country could attain financial security and the whole population would be proud of their rulers.Considering these factors,artistic activities require only
need
Verb problem
apply
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a very minor portion of public funds in order to maintain their presence.
To conclude
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, putting more finance on music and other cultural events is complete nonsense. Everyone hopes for a better future in society, so it is unavoidable to invest in the widening of the kingdom.

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clear introduction that addresses the topic and expresses your position on the issue. Make sure to include a conclusion that wraps up your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that you respond fully to the question and provide more relevant examples to support your ideas. Work on expressing clear and comprehensive ideas that fully address the topic.
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