Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Over the past decades, the notions and sentiments of

working

Correct article usage

the working

show examples

age

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

changed substantially in many ways.

People

Use synonyms

nowadays believe that setting a

retire

Replace the word

retirement

show examples

age at the same limit for everyone is not fair. they dispute that it should be allowed to have an early pension

depend

Wrong verb form

depending

show examples

type

Add an article

the type

show examples

of workers. I completely agree with

this

Linking Words

opinion, even though some

people

Use synonyms

might have different aspects.

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

essay will seek to examine the complex issue, and eventually, my opinion will be given. On the one hand, I would like to point out that there are various reasons to consider getting advantages of early retirement. Before all else, today's

people

Use synonyms

are struggling in order to survive in nowadays business breakdowns, and they have to work desperately to pursue and cope with their problems.

Consequently

Linking Words

, there are more

people

Use synonyms

who tend to see their

life

Use synonyms

negatively because of the monotony of

life

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and work sequence.

For example

Linking Words

, no working culture becomes a popular trend among youngsters and they quit their current stressful jobs to spend their

life

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with

Change preposition

apply

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full of enjoyment and less working times.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, I would like to express the types of

Add an article

a worker

the worker

show examples

worker

Fix the agreement mistake

workers

show examples

who should have an

ealry

Correct your spelling

early

aged retirement.

First

Linking Words

of all, it should be physical workers who need to put a lot of energy to complete their daily

target

Fix the agreement mistake

targets

show examples

, like construction general workers.

Secondly

Linking Words

, the injured or mentally disadvantaged employee, especially

who

Correct pronoun usage

those who

show examples

have been felt as the implications of their job subsequences.

Additionally

Linking Words

, the government should implement some plans and arrangements for the ones with those kinds of difficulties when they cannot wait until 65 years old to attain

pension

Correct article usage

a pension

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

, they should get enhancement and insurance of their

life

Use synonyms

via the local authorities by contributing some funds or affordable housing. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

we may have some arguments and different opinions, I passionately believe that at least the government should make follow-up plans if the individual businesses could not provide those kinds of humanity helps. By doing

this

Linking Words

, citizens of that country will gain advantages and benefits rather than disadvantages and drawbacks.

Submitted by tunnaungwin11 on Fri May 27 2022

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

349 words

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