IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Increasing travels between countries enable people to learn different cultures or to increase tension between people from different countries?

#countries #people #cultures #tension
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In
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
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 century
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 from one country to another is an easy way to have a better understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 other cultures and religions. But some
people
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 believe that different social backgrounds can create conflicts between tourists and local
people
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.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly believe,
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some compelling reasons, that despite the minor tensions between
people
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,
global
Correct article usage
a global
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 journey can help us to know other
people
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 better and get us closer to each other. In the
first
Linking Words
 place, communication with other
countries
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bring
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brings
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 business opportunities for both
travelers
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travellers
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 and local
people
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. It is abundantly clear that tourists spend a lot of money on
residence
Add an article
a residence
the residence
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, food, visiting monuments and even local products, and
on the other hand
Linking Words
 tourists, based on
needs
Correct article usage
the needs
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 of the visiting country, can find global markets for selling their own products and investment opportunities, like how nowadays Iranian
people
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 export saffron to almost all over the world. For
Linking Words
second
Add an article
the second
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 reason, by
traveling
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travelling
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 from different
countries
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 know each other better and
this
Linking Words
 better understanding may modify their past misconceptions about other cultures and religions which they had previously insisted on.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the past decades’ Arabian
countries
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 and western
countries
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 always had conflicts with each other, but nowadays we can obviously see that they’ve decided to have a lot of business and cultural relations
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other in so many different fields. According to these analyzes, it is patently obvious that knowing other
Use synonyms
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
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 cultures and having
relation
Replace the word
relationships
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 with other
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countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
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people
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 are crucially significant issues and causes
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 advantages of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
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 its disadvantages.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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