IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion?

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It is thought by
some
Capitalize word
Some
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 that the authorities are the only responsible pillars for making amendments in a community,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals can generate significant changes in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. I partially agree with these statements, and in my opinion, a
hand in hand
Add a hyphen
hand-in-hand
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 contract between the government and the individual is the generation of a peaceful population. Let us discuss these viewpoints in detail in the subsequent paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, let us shed light on the argument that the government is the only processor of changes in a community. First and foremost, the administrational rules and regulations are the remote
controller
Fix the agreement mistake
controllers
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 of a civilization which reduces the crime rate. To elaborate, the individuals are more concerned about the punishments written in the constitution of every country, and it will make many of the criminally minded communities withdraw from the offences, which is a positive development for that land.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the Indian constitution, the punishment for
women
Change noun form
women's
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 harassment and murder is the death penalty which
retrieves
Verb problem
prevents
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 many from attempting
such
Linking Words
 issues.
On the other hand
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, the Public is the backbone
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 can bring modifications to a
society
Use synonyms
. To explicate,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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morals and ethics are an inevitable part of a community to withstand together, which will replenish the relationships and social developments in that area.
For instance
Linking Words
, in multicultural Australia, holding the values and ethics of every individual is making a positive influence on their
society
Use synonyms
 and upgrading the culture.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the government and its population are equally important in the up-gradation of land and in my opinion, they both are playing a significant role in bringing changes to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.

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coherence
While your essay presents a well-rounded discussion, ensure that each idea flows smoothly into the next within paragraphs, using linking words and phrases more to guide the reader logically.
task response
Ensure that each main idea is thoroughly developed with clear examples; some points could benefit from further elaboration.
coherence
The essay shows a clear structure with an introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Multiple viewpoints are addressed, noting that both government and individuals play essential roles in societal change, which provides a balanced discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • society
  • government
  • changes
  • influence
  • policies
  • laws
  • intervention
  • societal issues
  • collective action
  • progress
  • development
  • harmonious
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