In some societies, the number of crimes commited by teenagers is growing. some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries the number of delinquencies committed by juveniles is increasing,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is why humanity considers that all crimes despite their age should receive equal judgment. Actually, I agree with
this
statement and to my mind, the sentence should be for all
people
. I am going to give a couple of arguments. First of all, the punishment was made to avoid dangerous situations and to improve the lives of
people
because crime is dreadful.
Thus
,
people
who
made
Verb problem
committed
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an atrocity can think about their decision and maybe choose the right side. In
this
situation, teenagers are encouraged to commit a crime, because they know that their punishments will be light.
For instance
, in a country where drugs are illegal, a young person sold
this
stuff and he didn't bear the blame. So, adults and children should be punished equally which is independent of their ages.
Secondly
, after their punishment, they can realize that wrongdoing is nasty. In my opinion, it is the main point why not only adults but
also
teens have to go to prison after their offences.
Furthermore
, the harsher the punishment will be, the better it will be for little ones. I support the opinions of the myriad
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
who commit similar crimes. It is
also
good to make the same legislation in the world to reduce the number of misdeeds. In conclusion, I would like to say that only judgment can stop crime in the world and it's the only
apply
Verb problem
apply
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way to achieve world peace.
Submitted by Alexandrdr.35 on

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task response
Task Response: The essay partially responds to the prompt, but the position on the issue is not clearly stated. The arguments lack depth and specificity, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay shows some organization and logical structure, but the ideas are not well connected. The introduction and the conclusion need improvement to effectively frame the essay. Additionally, the use of examples and supporting points could be more specific and relevant to the arguments presented.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • juvenile delinquency
  • criminal behavior
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • adolescent development
  • retribution
  • impulse control
  • the justice system
  • societal influences
  • environmental factors
  • juvenile justice
  • punitive measures
  • adult incarceration
  • youth crime
  • reformative programs
  • deterrence
  • mitigating circumstances
  • restorative justice
  • correctional facilities
  • peer pressure
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